little clicks in my brain.

i just wrote this in an email to my friend in chicago.


it's much more stressful than i anticipated, although
i think i wasn't given the ENTIRE story when i was
hired. for instance, being a new school means adopting
a new curriculum...being a new school means DEVELOPING
an english department...spanish, too,,,,,but everyone
can do that...they all speak that language and have
the traditional mexican educational backgrounds.
nobody seems to know anything about bilingualism or
how to make it happen...it's a foreign thing
here...that's trying to make it's way up in
popularity.

one of my hugest frustrations in these first weeks was
(and is) the fact that, in theory, we, the english
department, are very desired and heralded....we have
something that they want....that we can
give....however, in practice, we're sort of a magic
act side show that's pretty, but really not ALL that
important...we sort of add to the pizazz of the whole
package....actually, we might be the attracting
offer.....but we're really not all that big of a deal
in the end.

i support my thoughts with various attitudes from
fellow staff....i communicated with my "co-teacher" of
fifth grade spanish for the FIRST time two days
ago....i had NO IDEA what went on in his
classroom...nor he in mine....he made some comments at
our faculty meeting (which was the FIRST joint meeting
of the entire school year....we'd been having separate
meetings(- department by department- with NO
communication between the two as to the
goings-on)...for example, the spanish department has
"encountered for the first time" this certain five
teaching techniques...for starters, the book was
written in 1997....and it's stuff like "don't lecture.
let kids figure things out on their own so that they
can develop a higher learning capacity and
understading of the subject matter." "let kids work
independently rather than dictating and providing
lecture/question format." "use the what i know. what
i'd like to know. what i learned. technique for
comprehension check and predictions." and his response
was that there were only two or three staff members in
the whole school that understand this process which is
why it's hard for the teachers to adopt and
develop and WHAT? make more than one subject matter
blend with another one....you mean you really want me
to correspond math with science?...blah blah blah.

and i literally sat there infuriated....i wanted to
shout across the room: well, if english was even
remotely important to you...if you even dared to look
into what i was doing in my classroom...you would see
that those techniques are the very techniques that we
HAVE to learn and implement in order to get a
degree/certificate from college in the States and
Canada...this is OLD news....

that and things like the fact that our very principal
ISN'T bilingual...and my best analogy for that is that
half of our "body" (school. faculty, group of parents,
students, community) doesn't function..and it's not
important enough to her to fix (or at least that's how
i see it). we have students/parents that DON'T speak
Spanish...and we claim to be a purely and perfectly
bilingual school....we're not. we've got a principal
that can't communicate with a large (or at least
present) percentage of our make-up....this is not only
debilitating, but a slap in the face of bilingualism
in my opinion. it's not okay to have the very face of
our structure of authority.....not be able to practice
what we seemingly preach.

that led to huge bitterness for me in that i had a
student from the states that was a HUGE issue...turns
out 4 of his 5 cousins have autism...he's got
assberger's syndrome, but no one knew about that
somehow...anyways...just moved here, was freaking out
(literally)....we had some huge and serious issues
with him...and he all of a sudden became MY PERSONAL
CASE LOAD...his problems demand that....he needs a
PERSONAL teacher/mentor/coach/whatever....but the main
issue that we faced was that NOT ONE SINGLE OTHER ONE
of his teachers, nor the principal could talk to
him...couldn't communicate.

every time there was something that happened...and
there were many times, i had to leave my classroom,
drop whatever i was doing, to go to him and fix the
issue. every time. i literally lost FOUR days with my
sixth graders in ONE week for having to go be with
him...to deal with an issue that happened in his
PHYSICAL EDUCATION class. the principal couldn't. his
own teacher couldn't. the psychologist couldn't. so i
was all of those things to him and for him for those
first four weeks. and not only that, but the aftermath
was my responsibility as well. i had to contact his
mother (track her down) to let her know he was
suspended...and then be a part of the meeting to
translate for the psychologist, as well as offer the
options of re-entrance to the mom. just because the
others can't do it.

sometimes there's translation work. other times
there's....oh, the music teacher won't be here today.
the pe teacher can't make it. so you're gonna have to
come up with something...and by the way, that means
you DON'T get a break. oh, AND we expect you to be
here at 720 in the morning to greet the kids...then
stay out at recess/lunch....and then some weeks, when
you have the exit, you'll stay til after 3 for that.
you ahve the largest class in the entire school, with
the most variation in level and ability....but you can
handle planning for 50 students....just make it
interesting and be sure they're learning from this
curriculum used in same grade-level classrooms in the
states....thanks. come again....tomorrow, please.

yeah...so anyways...it was just really a WHOLE
lot...ALL at once...while i'm still really trying to
adapt/adjust. and it was like the newness and
honeymoon phase sort of drifted away right as all of
thise fell on my shoulders. i had been here for a
month before moving to ajijic. i had the days of
"could somebody please just freaking speak to me in my
own language....or AT LEAST understand me when i use
it...???" and the days of "i just effing want to use
my own currency....for god's sake, i DON'T want to go
somewhere and have to change it.....i just wanna use
what i've got...why do i freaking have to learn to
count all of these rediculous denominations?" and just
the days when i was fed up with waiting because people
are ALWAYS late....and the days where i just really
wanted someone to NOT look at me like i was an alien
because i have BLONDE hair and LIGHT skin....or
whistle or gawk or stare or say something like
"mamacita...." gag me with a freaking spoon.

there were those days. for sure.

but i'm growing. i'm learning. i'm changing my
attitude about a lot of things. and i think the
adaptation is a willfull adoption now....i'm no longer
resistant...and REALLY, HONESTLY becoming OKAY with
the differences rather than trying to criticize or
make them my mission to change. the truth IS that i AM
the foreigner here. i don't walk in and get things MY
way...becasue that's not the way things happen. things
are what they are. i've gotta be okay with them...hate
them....like them...whatever....but it IS this
way...and i've gotta embrace that.

the educational system is so different here....the
focus...the emphasis....it's all something to contend
with in the mind of a traditional American...but this
is why i'm here...to grow, to see new things, to
change, to develop as a human being and teacher....and
it's happening....every single day.

there are so many good things, as well. so many. and
i'm recapturing the ability to see those over the
frustrating ones. it's good for me. so good for
me....adjusting to an entirely different world.