Threads of Mexico

Lots of Time...

2008-08-25T22:40:00.000-07:00

So, I promise that this will get better...well, I'd better not promise until I have stable internet...but I'll do my best, ok? It's been quite some time since I've written, and without checking back to see previous entries, I imagine that much has changed.

The biggest change is that my boyfriend and I made the journey from Ajijic, Mexico (state of Jalisco) to Playa del Carmen. The trip lasted 3 days/2 nights. And in the course of the thing, we saw the entire southern tip of the country. It was beyond words kind of amazing. Arriving and leaving the area of Puebla in the state of Mexico, we experienced picturesque mountains and valleys and all that accompany them as though someone had painted them rather than actually being a part of a living, breathing environment. The temps there fell to 52 F at the lowest, and then arriving near VillaHermosa (passing the state of Veracruz and entering Tabasco), we were scorched with coastal conditions and temps beyond 100. However, we made lots of irreplaceable memories. We fought, we cried, and we made it. We're here.

We arrived to a friend of Ricardo's. It was night, something like 8pm. And there we stayed. A small house- no aircondition. I was surprised to find that most people here in this area sleep in hammocks. All over the neighborhood were people sprawled out in their brightly-colored hammocks. And all over the neighborhood were PEOPLE. This isn't a common practice in Ajijic, but later I found the reason for the sudden need for out-of-doors: the heat. Inside the houses is something like roasting in the oven. You come out like a plump, brown duck or chicken with vegetables. And in the bathroom, you get more of a sauna experience. It's like going beneath the earth or in a cave that gives you that sweaty kind of good sensation...like you've purified your skin, but through simply sweating out all of the toxins. I told Ricardo that this would be good for us...if for nothing else than to lose weight....by simply sweating. I've been without make-up for a week now. I told him I think this is healthy somehow.

Anyways...there we found a hospitable and kind family. However, there was something missing for me. There wasn't an air of homeiness for me. And then my padrinos arrived. And it feels like a completely opposite experience. Well, I guess it is. We're now their guests in one of the finest resorts in Playa del Carmen and have more aircondition than we could possibly have hoped for a the other house. Also, I feel so at home here with them. I became friends with the oldest daughter through some mutual friends of ours (and quite on accident, at that). But Leti and I became fast and close friends. I consider her to be one of my best and most cherished friends although our immediate time together was short...she went back to the United States after taking a 3 mon. break in Mexico. I felt a kind of kindred spirit with her that is inexplicable in words. It's just one of those you know you'll be friends for life kind of relationships.

So anyways...her family sort of adopted me and I them. And here we are. They've been incredibly amazing to offer us a place to stay during their vacation and have even set up interviews with various people here in the resort. Tomorrow is the first of such for me. It's sort of like going at it blind, but I'm really excited at the same time that I'm completely unbelievably nervous. I don't know if it will be in Spanish or English. I don't really know what the work entails. I don't know much. But I do know that as I was walking downtown on the famous Quinta Avenida here in Playa, I was enchanted in a new way by Mexico. It's charming. It's beautiful. It's elegant. And it's full of every kind of race and creed you could imagine. There were beautiful strands of Italian, French, German, Russian, Spanish.....Mariachi, wind instruments, and typical sing-along type of Spanish songs. It was fabulous. Absolutely something that I've dreamed of since being the size of a loaf of bread, I think. I just sat there, talking with my padrinos and Ricardo and thinking: "Wow." That's it. There are so many opportunities present before us. And I'm so fortunate to be here, living and doing this.

An adventure of great proportions in my small world. It opens up for me, somehow, a giant place full of humankind from places I've only seen in books or on tv. But oh how my thirst and hunger is tempted. Oh how I'm enticed. Oh how I'm enthralled. What a big world. And there I am a sole part of such a huge whole. And what possibilities await me as a part of this giant sphere? To be discovered.....

updating....

2008-05-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

i apologize in advance if this is horrible typing. it´s just that i´m working on an ANCIENT (older than time itself) keyboard that is on a mexican operating system, but has all the keys of an american system. it´s a weird thing....sorry in advance for hte sloppiness!

anyways....so not a whole lot to report. well, actually, just that everything about my life here has changed, i guess. i´m giving private english and spanish classes. so i´ve opened my own business, of sorts. that´s been interesting and fun. it´s quite an endeavor....but i´ll get the hang of it and really fly, or so i hope.

i´m making plans to move back to the states, although they won´t be taking place any time in the super near future....or so i don´t have it planned.

i´m working on really being content. like it´s been sort of a shift...i dunno of attitude or what...but i´ve moved from living temporarily in some place searching for the NExT thing...to really trying to solidly pursue life...and the things that everyday pass....rather than always looking so far ahead. i want to concentrate on being present and living. i´m doing that.

that translates for me into...living in mexico. embracing all that it is. frustrating sometimes....culture differences...loneliness....issues that arise for lack of normalcy according to my upbringing....but in the long run, i know that no matter what, it is what it is and this is what is right for me right now at this time. therefore living here means making it home. i´m taking painting classes. i´ll be running again after my foot heals. i seem to have strained a muscle from hiking in the mountain. i´m cooking normal meals. i´m living in a relationship....living in one. investing, learning, being cherished....it´s a cool process. and quite the learning experience. the ups and downs somehow seem normal and welcomed.....

but to focus really on being rather than searching. it´s a new chapter for me. i think it has something to do with my age and place in life. it also has a lot to do with my learning about me and trying to work on difficulties.

and so you have it. just living the dream. every day.

sometimes i hate it when....

2008-03-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

.....i don't know what to do.

ya muchas cosas han cambiado para mi. a pensar. a analizar. a aceptar.

y no se. cuando me dicen esta cosa u otra cosa. y es como que: no, eso, no. es una forma...una manera. pero no es para todos. ni es algo concreto que es verdad.

just thinking out loud. my brain is scrambling right now. so i came to the roof to look out over the lake and to write a little.

looking up.

2008-03-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

so figuring out how to not have to have control of your classroom, but instead allow your students to do so....it's FABULOUS. there's this amazing parent/ teacher training thing...called Love and Logic....check it out online if you're a parent (or ever want to be one) or a teacher. it's fabulous. the techniques make SO MUCH SENSE...you just wish you would've figured it out a LONG time ago. :)

Wow.

2008-02-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

This has truly been the most amazing birthday of my life. For starters, my wonderful boyfriend woke me up with a miniature chocolate cake at 1 in the morning (I guess that was the official birthday time?!!?!?!?!?!?). He had adorned it with 3 candles and a precious note. Then this morning, I arrived at schoool this morning where my students greeted me at the entrance with a vase of flowers. They then assigned me my "bodyguards" who were in charge of distracting me with random scientific facts/explanations and other nonsense until the party coordinators finished decorating the room. When I entered, every student was under his or her desk...and they popped up and yelled "happy birthday!" The "dj" of the group struck up the music that they had pre-planned for the celebration. Then my eyes caught the beautiful posters that they had made....and the cake, refreshments, and munchies that covered my desk. They had cleared an area for a "dance floor" and taught me to dance a "traditional birthday song" in Mexico. It was truly the hugest surprise and a wonderful start to my day.

I was so proud of them. They organized (by themselves) every last detail. I was amazed. It took my breath away to watch them serve one another...and me. I loved seeing them form teams of people to do certain jobs...and execute them with such grace. I`ve had the most enormous smile on my face the entire day. It was fabulous!

I`m pretty sure there`s something in the works this evening from my boyfriend`s family, as well. They`ve been super "hush-hush-uh-oh-here-she-comes" for the last week or so. And someone accidentally asked in front of me yesterday if the oldest sister was coming in from Guadalajara this afternoon. So I`m pretty sure there will be something happening in the evening. Yay! :) I`ve had a delightful day. Thanks for all of the sweet notes/emails/etc that have flooded in. It`s been a day to cherish! :)

change.

2008-02-12T12:24:00.000-08:00

it`s disgusting when you think you`re going to enter something again and have it change....but it doesn`t. it`s still the same old stagnant thing that you dreaded before.

hmmmmmmm....attitude check? right on that...

Fresh Air...

2008-02-01T15:40:00.000-08:00

There are Mariachi's walking outside. There are people laughing at the table next to me. Wow. I didn't know how good it would feel to GET OUT OF MY HOUSE....or Rica's house. Man. I've been really, really sick for the last couple of weeks....with this week being the most intense....and haven't left...haven't gone to work...haven't been able to. So, today, sitting in the coffee shop/internet cafe, I'm delighted. It's probably too much...and I probably shouldn't be out, but I had to. It was too much sitting there on the couch for another afternoon.

I'm an expert at solving murder cases, now...thanks to Law and Order: Criminal Intent. And if you ever discover a body, just call me up. I'm a pro at figuring out evidence and sequence of events, as I was doing so within the first 15 minutes as of the 54th episode that I watched. So, not to worry, should you ever stumble upon a crime scene, I'm up for the job....and if need be, I'll retire from teaching in Mexico to assist you. I'm good. Really good.

On a much more serious note....I have issues. Do you ever just wake up in the morning and think that? Maybe I can blame it on living along. Maybe I can blame it on lack of a "real" social life. Maybe I can even blame it on insanity due to living in a foreign country. But I'm pretty sure that whatever title I put on it, it stems to growth inside of me that I can't contain. It's like there's a peeling away of a layer of the heart...and I discover that I don't know much....about me, about life, about God, about what it's like to be in another culture, about love, about relationships, about trust, about lots of things.

And I find, that for me, I have a hard time not knowing. I even will make it up if I don't know so that I can pretend like I do. Not that's fabulous, huh? It's like lying to yourself to feel better about yourself. I have this view of life (that, although I think is normal coming from the culture and lifestyle that I grew up in in the States) to weigh things out. What I mean by that is justification. Like THIS isn't as bad as THIS...so I can do THIS much and get away with THIS. Or to take it to another extreme, I HAVE to do THIS in order to be worthy of THIS.....if I don't GIVE this or DO THIS...then I don't deserve THIS....

And that makes learning to love and trust...and be in relationships in general....really tough. It's like there this " I owe you" deal that happens inside of me. It's hard to accept things.

It's been one of the most amazing experiences for me to be here and see the "sharing" attitude. For example, to watch a family in need is a spectacular thing. Everyone just gives up what is "theirs" and helps out. That could mean money; it could mean time; it could mean food. It could mean just about anything. But there is this selflessness that blows my mind. It's unlike anything I've really ever experienced. It's this deal that says: "You're my responsibility because you are a human being." Money? Okay...how much? Food? Okay....where? Time? I'm all yours.

Wow. I was in tears this morning becuase I've been battling with feeling like a burden...in my sickness, I've been all but independent. I don't have a car. I can't get around. I couldn't get out of bed for a few days becuase I was so dizzy and miserable. I couldn't get to the farmacia to get medicine. I couldn't be there for my kids at school. I was all by myself in my house.....

And then there were these people. They came to serve me. NO NO NO NO NO NO. I couldn't do it. There's the pride about me that says "Uh-uh....I'm gonna do it." But, really, I'm not. I can't. There were physical limitations....I couldn't do it. And all the while, I'm counting up the amount of debt I'm racking up, right? I'm thinking how I'm going to re-pay...how I'm going to make it all right.

And then when the pain in my stomach was immobilizing...and Rica brought me the pill with a glass of water. That was it. I broke. I was in tears this morning after that event last night...apologizing to him for being sick...for not being able to just do it. To have to be taken care of. For being a burden.

My pride. His selflessness. The selflessness of his sister who served me food. It's like having your dirty, stinky feet washed...so undeservingly. It's like being bathed in this sweet aroma of love...pure love, but pouring on the stench of pride with your own hands.

I don't know how to get there. I don't know how to humble myself...to not feel this "compelling need" to apologize...to get it together. It's an experience...to be weak like that. And in the middle of something where you really, honestly, in truly...NEED someone (someones.....) else.

I went through this a time ago, as well. With something of a different nature, but serious all the while...and these people. Rica, Leti, Victor, Marsela, Ara....they came....and they FOUGHT for me. They held me.

It's hard. I don't like it. I don't like learning this......thing....whatever it is. But I'll get it. And based on what I've observed, I'll be much better for the process...these people I have here....they rock my world.

And even more than that, they impact it greatly. With things I've never experienced before....

tal vez....

2007-12-17T11:22:00.000-08:00

tal vez lo estoy tomando demasiado personal...pero tal vez no.
mas que nada, creo que ya me canse. hay algunas cosas que no puedes dar vuelta la cara....que no puedes ignorar. hay cosas que valen...que significan por algo mas que hoy. y como puedes enseñar algo sobre la vida real si realmente, nunca van a vivir alla....si nunca van a conocer a este mundo. hay algunos que si lo saben...pero los de mas (la mayoria) que ni saben ni van a saber. y eso me da la tristeza...la tristeza a sentir como que no estoy cumpliendo mis sueños, mis planes.....como que para que estoy? los quiero...un grupo....tengo una forma con ellos; siento como que estamos avanzando....pero con los otros, en serio, hay algunas veces que nada mas quiero salir...caminar....hasta bien lejos. no son agradecidos. no son bien portados. no son abiertos a aprender. son consentidos. tienen casi todo el mundo en sus manos...o las de sus papas...y por eso, como que es el punto, pregunto a mi misma.

si creo que es nada mas que ya me canse. quiero irme. quiero descansar. no quiero batallar con desorden. no quiero fallar por la quinta vez por dia que nadie sabe lo que debemos hacer. no quiero tener otra "miscomunicacion"....especialmente ya me canse de ellas. no quiero oir sus deseos grandes de la vida que no es real....y ver como la cumplen, como la satisfechan sus pobres niños....para que esten tranquilos, contentos....no, no, no, no.

es ridiculo algunas veces a ver. y ya me caen gordos. ya me canse. ya...bastante es bastante.

comin´home!

2007-12-14T06:32:00.000-08:00

so in just a few short days i´ll be on the plane to texas. i´m really, really, really excited. like i don´t think there´s ever been a time in my life when i´ve been more thrilled to go somewhere that is home. it´s like i think about the people that i´ll see, hug, and hang out with...and i really can´t wait. i´m antsy being here for these last few days at school because i´m mentally there...with my cousins on new year´s eve, at my gramma´s house on christmas morning (i can smell her house!), with my sister at the movies, in my parent´s house (i can see the green of the walls and the tiles on the floors), with my friends in san marcos (i can´t wait to hug them all!), with my aunts and uncles all joking and laughing (and speaking in PURE ENGLISH!)...yeah...it´s like this fantasy. it´ll be real soon, i know...but for now, it feels really close...and so far away in the same breath.

phew. i´m ready. really ready. texas, here i come....

frustration...

2007-12-12T11:47:00.001-08:00

so yesterday was one of the most frustrating days i´ve had in awhile. i´m trying to make my copies for the bimestral exams of both of my classes (that´s nearly 50 copies of 6 page exams)...and i´ve gotta do the let´s save the planet paper conservation thing (which i totally believe in, just not in the crunch time moments of having the lady who usually does all of that stuff out...and this being the 9millionth time i´ve tried to have a second to get it all done)....anyways, so i´m trying to get that all going, and the spanish teacher of my fifth graders comes to me and tells me that the teacher of the library class for my students isn´t available, that i need to administer their exams (for both halves of the class, which is scheduled to take up the last two hours of the day)...fantastic. no biggie. i´ll do that (which is, by the way, meaning that i´m instructing and assisting with an exam for a class that is given in spanish....not a big deal, i´ll get all of that done and then some, right?). alright, off we go. making copies, answering questions, saying "no" to talking and to the bathroom....etc. and another teacher comes in saying that she needs to make copies of a circular for the ENTIRE SCHOOL and needs to have them issued by the END OF THE DAY. funny, because my exams have to be ready to be given THIS MORNING! ni modo...gotta do it. so we share the copier, both trying to get our jobs done. successful, but literally in the last minute of the school day.

furthermore, i´ve rented a car because the one that i was borrowing is now non-functioning. i note that only because it is the third time in the four months that i have lived in ajijic that i have had issues with it (or the other "loaner" that i was issued). that can preface the frustration from fighting with the car issue.

anyways...so i rented a car from a family at the school who have it as a part of their business. so i am preparing to leave school yesterday to meet the realtor at my house to go over some important issues for the people who are coming to claim the things of the owner who died about a month ago. anyways...so i try to turn the key...and NOTHING. seriously it was like shock and a half just because it seems like everytime i set foot in a car, i have issues. okay. so i think to myself,"self, calm down...it´s the battery....go get jumper cables and you´ll be on your way." so i go back up the ginormous hill and ask the school director for his set. turns out there´s no way it could be the battery, becasue there is NO SIGN of life when i try again with the key. so i scratch that idea, pop the hood, and come to the conclusion (with the help of a male teacher) that it is due to the extensive corrosion on the battery cables that the little red car won´t start. i say, "well, okay, how about i go buy a coke and we´ll try that...then we can twist around the cable until it starts, no?" he agrees that that´s our best option and i´m off to the races.

come back, and sure enough, that was the answer. i´m on my merry way. i go pick up rica because we´re supposed to be going to eat (which isn´t gonna happen now, but i haven´t been able to contact him because in the middle of all of this my cell phone decides that it doesn´t want to work anymore and won´t allow me to call or send messages). so i swing by there and as i do, the car dies again. he helps me get the thing tightened enough, however, the issue is that this isn´t hte first time, the cable is completely tightened as much as it can possibly be tightened. it´s the looseness of it on the battery...it´s not connecting like it should be.

so we take off to go to my house so that i can hopefully catch the realtor. on the way, i´m passing through a yellow light, and the cop in the intersection literally throws his body in front of my car. i couldn´t very well just slam on the brakes and stop, so i proceeded through the intersection. i hadn´t done anything wrong and i couldn´t slam on the brakes fast enough. i think when he turned and saw me he sort of just reacted in fear...becasue it was close to him and it scared him. however, a few minutes later, he comes speeding behind me in his little motorcycle...and pulls me over. rica argues with him for awhile and i explain to him that when i proceeded, i was following complete legal specifications. when his body turned, yes, he signaled me to stop, but that wasn´t a possibility at that point. i was already passing him. and he went on to throw himself out in front of me. he didn´t like that very much and demanded all of the paperwork. i gave it to him and he came back with a ticket. lovely.

we proceed to the house. susan was still there thankfully. and i showed her all of my belongings as to those that are of the now deceased home owner. that didn´t take long and finally we could go eat. it was now around 4something. we changed to go to the gym, and on the way, rica went to roll down the window...and it literally crashed to the bottom of the door frame. it was off of the track, i suppose, but it was in that moment that i almost just lost it. i almost just broke down....tears begged to fall. it was the end of what had been a fantastically frustrating day. everything, it seemed, went wrong. my kids were out of control. nothing was right at school. everything and their sister was freaking out in reference to the car. nothing wanted to work. nothing.

but then....somehow. it really didn´t matter. it was just time. it was just money. it was just a day. and tomorrow...would be a different day. i took my time driving the car back to ajijic. i looked at the christmas lights. i ordered the pizza for my kids´ surprise pizza party after their exams today. i watched a movie. i rested. i took a hot shower. and that was that. it was over. everything that happened can be fixed. everything that went wrong can go right the next time...or maybe not...but there´s that chance at least. and it was okay.

su abrazo me dio bastante seguridad. sus palabras me hicieron calmada. sus cariños me hicieron volar. estoy agradecida por su manera de hablar, de ser, de vivir, de acompañarme. es un regalo.

and today´s a totally different thing. it´s new. it´s okay. i´m glad for frustrating days that test my patience. i don´t like them because they´re not easy, but they´re truly a gift because they´re the things that make you realize what´s really important. none of the materialistic things really...the relationship back and forth...with my co-workers and my friends....with my students and my directors. yeah. it was a good day for me....i keep learning. more and more and more. :)

oh how i love mexico.

2007-12-09T00:06:00.000-08:00

so i just returned home from a wedding. my co-worker (who's also become a friend) got married in a small town about an hour away from where i live. my friend leti was gracious enough (as she always is...and does an above average job of) to accompany me on the adventure to find the town and then to hang out at the wedding and reception.

we had a blast. the ceremony was beautiful...and the reception was great fun. there are many traditional dances and music here...those are always fun to participate in. and, as always, i was in mariachi heaven. the mariachis actually serenade each table individually. and i got my own song played for me at the request of the bride and groom!!! sweet. :) it definitely made my night. then we had a traditional wedding dish- virria, rice, and beans, with chile and tortillas (of course). there was plenty of tequila in sight, which is another can't live without item for all events in mexico. there was the "dollar dance" which is peso dance here in mexico), the dance before the tossing of the flowers, and the banda/durengenza music. so my co-workers, leti, and i danced and danced and danced.

it was a blast. i love weddings here. well, i love weddings in the states for that matter...hehe.

something like riding a bike...

2007-12-07T23:45:00.000-08:00

so apparently driving standard is NOT like riding a bike. you DO forget how to do it. and you CAN fall off...in the sense of rolling backwards and not knowing what the heck you're doing.

we were with leti's dad tonight...and driving from the plaza. seeing as how my car is in titanic car heaven for the time-being, he said, "well, court, tu puedes manejar estandard, verdad?" y yo, "pues, si, padrino...pero hace como un ano desde cuando me han tocado a hacerlo. pues, pero, si, puedo." hahahahahahahahahaha! i got behind the wheel...and took off the brake...and put my foot on the clutch...and that was the end of that. i started rolling backwards, screamed, and was looking forward all the while hoping that by some miraculous god-send moment, i'd start going in the right direction with all of my wits in-tact.

uhhhhh...nope. didn't happen. it was at that precise moment that the three of us began laughing so hard we were crying. it was one of the kind of moments you probably had to be there for...but it was the hardest that i've laughed in quite awhile.

"ay, courtney o ay, guerra!"- i'm not sure if they're over-used phrases, or if I really do have THAT many moments. probably the second of the two. but, hey, life's interesting. deserted streets. one o'clock in the morning. hanging out with my friend and her dad. just driving standard as though i were riding a bike....

2007-12-06T15:38:00.000-08:00

yeah. i went there.

2007-12-06T15:27:00.000-08:00

so the other day, my friends leti, rica, and i....CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN. i don't think i realized what i was getting myself into when i begged rica to take me.....hehe. it was a LONG way up! but it was so worth it. it was absolutely gorgeous. we climbed and climbed and climbed...and then stopped to view...and wow! it's breathtaking from the top. the whole village is visible...the lake. yeah. the pictures don't quite do it justice...but they give a glimpse. it's one of my favorite things about my time here thus far. :)

cultural experience.

2007-12-06T15:17:00.000-08:00

so i got to attend yet another mexican cultural event today. really cool. i went to a bachelorette party as put on by the female teachers/coordinators/staff at school for the third and fourth grade spanish teacher who will be getting married on saturday.

it was a really rich party, filled with many symbolic and precious events. first, we just talked and "warmed up"....then was the symbolic gift exchange. i was asked to bring matches and a light bulb. (yeah....i had that same look on my face...the one you're showing right now....) light bulb? matches? whatever. okay.

what happened was....i read a small tribute to mari (that's the teacher's name) about what those things mean for her and her husband in their soon-to-be marriage. it talked about how that lightbulbs go out and need to be changed, but that the light of joy and peace makes the home what it is. it talked about matches being reusable....being independent of any other source but themselves (they are not dependent on electricity or something that can fail them)....so it is with joy....it's something that remains and can be re-lit again and again....without exhaustion. it talked about how light makes things clear....how it illuminates all things and retires the darkness of confusion.

others read passages about cleaning products, cooking, a beautiful well-worn bible, etc...all things that are symbolic, but also very literal. i loved being a part of the celebration.

afterwards, we had cake...and the older women (the married women) gave her advice on what makes their marriages work...or what they have learned from failure. i was dumbfounded by some of their words. very wise women. i was delighted to see their personalities beyond what i see at school everyday...and to hear the hearts of women who have much to offer.

a great cultural experience for me....

you just sort of look at him...

2007-11-27T19:53:00.000-08:00

and it's in his eyes.

i had a student decide to be uncharacteristically rude today. he's the one that greets me with "bad morning, miss k"...as i write the words "good morning :)" (complete with smiley face!) on the dry-erase board each morning under the date. he's one of those kids that's super smart....i can tell. but he's in this pull of peer-dependency....so nothing can be over-done....or magnified as being different or out of the ordinary....because he's gotta save face.

and yet he's the kid that, the day i spilled the ENTIRE container of green paint as my kids were painting murals of martin luther king's "i have a dream" speech.....stayed behind to help me clean up the entire mess. he and i were just as green as the chair and the concrete floor of the art room outside. he's the kid that lingers when he has a question.....and waits until i can give him every ounce of attention that i possess. he's the kid that isn't too embarassed to admit that he doesn't have a clue (my other lower level english speakers are coming out of that). and he's the kid that charms me, but really wants to be charmed. he needs to know how to capture the feminine heart and how to be "man enough" (well, that's true of all of my boys.....but this kid has arrived....and even if he doesn't understand, he's figuring it out inside of himself).

he looked right in my face and repeated a phrase that is prohibited in our classroom after his classmate said it on accident. he proceeded to joke with it, all the while maintaining his steady gaze with my eyes. i did nothing more than look at him, and tell him to go outside. he wouldn't be invited to class today. disrespect wasn't an option.

he didn't quite know how to take me. i've sent kids out....told them to get under control and then come back. i've sent kids to write letters to one another explaning why they thought it was okay to disrepect their fellow classmates. i've had them stand and look at their "victim" and say "NAME, you are not important to me and i don't care what you have to say" (when they interrupt or talk on the side or just flat out discount their classmates). not to mention various other "infamous miss k activities" that they see from me. however, this was somehow different.

he was pushing his limit. to my face.

and i knew that caring about this battle in his heart was more important to me than teaching english in that moment.

i repeated myself....word for word, as he did not flinch. the others were watching. and i knew this was rough on his pre-adolescent "save face" image. however, it was important. and i'm not the teacher to let things go...at least not with this one.

he still didn't make a move. i just walked away....went on with what i was doing. he held me in his gaze for those long few moments.

eventually, he stood, and left the room. and he had purpose. he carried with him some of his english books.

he wanted to know what he should do. i didn't answer him. he wanted to know if he could enter to get this or that....or just be back in the room. i didn't allow it.

finally, as he was begging with all that was inside of him, i allowed him to come in, and with grace and great dignity he copied every spelling word 20 times each...and when i circled the many mistakes, he, without hesitation, re-did every last one of them. he did pages in his practice book that he's never dreamed of trying before. he read. he did this. he did that.

and in my eyes. we had a great moment today, felipe and i. i wrote him a letter in spanish. it said something like: i love you too much....and i care about so much....that i won't allow you to not be yourself. because i know YOU. i see your heart. and i know that it is genuine, sincere, kind, and "cabelleroso". i know that what you did today was totally out of character and that's why i challenged you like i did. you are growing into an amazing young man. and for that, i won't let you do what you did....you're too good for that. you have so many good things about you that make you such a joy to me and those around you, that i refuse to allow you to blow it on disrespect and defiance. i appreciate you. thank you for finishing everything i asked you to do and more. you mean too much to me to let it go. -miss k"

i didn't see him read it, although he's the kid that won't pretend like nothing happened. he's the kid that longs for that. he's a challenge. he acts out sometimes...and he calls attention to himself in ways that he shouldn't. but he's the kid....the kid that needs drastic measures....because his heart is worth it. his manhood is worth it. his dreams are worth it. his security as a growing boy is worth it. he longs for what i can give him. he asks for it with his eyes. he pleads for it with his behavior.

i do'nt know what life is like at home. i'd like to know. and maybe some day i can find out. i do know however that teaching comes with this amazing gift to mold.....to mold young people that are worth molding. i get to spend a lot of time with them. that's a precious thing.

somehow i know that tomorrow felipe and i are going to look at one another...and there will be this different spark about our relationship. i know that we have just passed the "i'm too cool for you" phase.....and we're going to get somewhere. we've just obtained an entirely new level of respect for one another. and i hope....i hope that in our exchange of mutual respect, we figure out how to serve each other better....i like looking in their eyes. i like seeing their futures. i love seeing their dreams. i am enchanted by their capacity for teaching me....and i long for moments like i had with felipe today.....the life-changing kind. he needs those words of assurance.

i just sort of look at him....and i know.....he's got what it takes. i'll be the one to shed some light on that piece of his heart's fertile ground so that he can know he's got what it takes.

How Sweet It Is....

2007-11-26T20:03:00.000-08:00

They boarded the plane this morning....but how sweet it was to have my mom, dad, and sister come stay with me for four days. They arrived on Wednesday.....and we went all around the nearby countryside (much to their dismay, I think...but I had an agenda planned, you know??!?!?!?). I took them to all of the "local hotspots" for food....(and gained at least 6 pounds during their visit....as any good Texan should around Thanksgiving time!). We "stumbled upon" 18 weddings happening all at the same time in a church in Jocotepec...not to mention, we got a taste of Mariachi...and the local fiestas of the town I live in...so they were culturally saturated as well.

It was like breathing fresh air or something. And the confidence of just having someone that knows who I was before I moved to this place....that was a cool feeling. I don't think I was quite prepared for the way it would make me feel....but it was good, really good.

We laughed....played.....sang.....ran over lots and lots of speed bumps (out of control, I might add)....and just enjoyed one another. That was sweet for me. Really sweet.

They saw a picture of my life here....and that was something that means a lot to me....it was fun to watch all 48 of my kids introduce themselves one by one and welcome my family very graciously to Mexico. It was fun to sit in the plaza and just be for a few hours....and let them get a glimpse of how life goes for me.

I thoroughly enjoyed my Thanksgiving holidays, although I must say that nothing about it was traditional. NIce, though....to do things in a different pace....on a different plane...from a different set of circumstances.....

Thanks for coming, guys. It was an awesome four days.

2007-11-20T16:40:00.000-08:00

desfile.....

2007-11-20T16:26:00.000-08:00

that's parade in spanish. and today was amazingly fun time # 9million634,284....with my kids. it's a big national holiday here in mexico....dia de la revolucion. and for that, there are several cool traditions that spread across the country....one of those traditions is to have this big long parade in which every school in the area participates by marching, dancing, and constructing pyramids in the streets of the "county seat" (as we know them in Texas)...so basically the biggest pueblo in the area hosts the big desfile. it was chapala for us.

so all week my kids practiced and practiced and practiced....as is custom, the girls march in four lines first, then the boys follow behind them. the girls must create a dance routine that they perform periodically throughout the marching. the boys simultaneously construct human pyramids. it was a really cool experience for me to watch them work together, support one another, and show each other such kindness.

and it was equally fun to march in the big parade....fireworks and all.....in front of literally hundreds and hundreds of people. every business closes due to the holiday....and all dress nicely to come and watch the parade happenings. it's the biggest thing of the semester (or so i've heard) for the public schools in the area. there were schools who built pyramids five "stories" tall...and that's boys standing on top of boys that high in the air. there were other schools who carried rings of fire that their kids did gymnastics with. there were others who had hula hoops and were tossing them, jumping with them, etc. still others had the traditional mexican attire and performed beautiful traditional dances as they marched in the street. the private schools maybe aren't as preoccupied with preparation, but none the less participate. our school, however, put lots of time and energy into the event....and it paid off. i was so proud of my kids as they marched carrying their orange and blue flags, smiling, and saying "ya llegamos?? casi??? ya????" hehe...... a very fun day for all of us.

thanksgiving.

2007-11-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

so this will be the first year that i haven't been in texas for thanksgiving.

but i'm not sad. it's a weird sort of growth thing that i'm feeling. my family (minus my brother) is actually flying down to visit me. that's sorta weird.....to be in that phase of life. but it's good, too. they'll be here on wednesday and stay until the following monday. it'll be some well-needed time with some familiar people.

and as i sit and ponder about what thanksgiving looks like for me this year....it's like a black and white photo. there are some very distinguishing characteristics to the whole thing. (my mind has weird associations, i know). it's kind of like a surreal-ness... but at the same time something so concrete for me.

it's like i watch this thing happening before my eyes that is perfect for me. it isn't perfect. but it's perfect for me right now at this moment in my life's history. and i think about all that i COULD be doing...so many different things that i could choose right now. freedom is a cool gift. and i've got lots and lots and lots of options. that's pretty spectacular. and as i think about all that i could do, nothing entices my heart more than what i'm doing right now in this moment.

it was strange to me today to walk to the plaza from my house (i think i covered about 5 miles...potentially more in the round-trip figurings)....and have this be normal to me. and have it be desired by my heart.

i went through a rough time...made rough by uncontrollable and unforseen circumstances that weren't fair or okay. but they were...are....what they are. and from personal rock-bottomness...i think it's easier to see the things that are above, and that really matter...because all you can do is look up and around.....and search, grasp, and plead for something.

i'm thankful beyond belief for people that support me. i'm thankful beyond words for seeing a tiny picture of the grace of others in my weakness. since i was a little girl, upon the occurence of a deep tragedy in my family's life, the verse "my strength is big enough for you, and my power made perfect in weakness" has been etched upon my heart. i even composed a piano piece with those words...and only those words.

weakness. wow. sometimes i have the audacity to think i don't have any. i know that i do, but to cover them up, i make things up. and i was weak. really, really, really weak. and i couldn't do a single thing about it. i NEEDED others. like i've never needed others before. and the best and coolest thing.....they were there. they picked me up; they held me; they sustained me. they are true gifts that i am so thankful for.

i'm also thankful for the chance to thrive in a place that is so different from everything i could have possibly imagined. this sounds weird, but becoming an adult is an interesting process. it's fantastic to me...and i often stand in awe as i think about the process i'm undergoing. i am challenged so much in the institution that i am in. but i am needed so much as well. and that is a striking contrast. it's striking because it sharpens me....sharpens me like nothing else could. it's not comfortable...no, no, no. but at the same time, i didn't come here hoping that it would be. i've found myself asking god many times to "stretch me....grow me." those words exactly. and this time in my life is serving that purpose....very well.

it's cool to have the gift of taking care of little people..the little people i have. they are so fragile and pliable. but at the same time, i learn from them every single day i am blessed to be in their presence.

also, on a literal level, i am stressed to the max with the ins and outs of dealing with the number of students i have, the resources i don't, and the differences in systems that i experience. and you know what? i couldn't ask for more as a teacher. it's really the dream of every person who truly has the heart of a teacher, i'm convinced....because in the midst of this experience, i get better and better...i learn more and more...and i care for my kids in ways that i couldn't even just the day before. that's unique. that's cool.

not to mention, the ability to grow with another culture at my side. to speak another language....imagine the possibilities with that. i was a commuication major in school, so i obviously value the written and spoken word...however, learning another language does something to your soul that nothing else can. you've got a whole 'nother group of people that you can communicate with, learn about, reach inside of.....amazing, if you want my opinion on the subject. simply amazing.

so am i sad that i'm not in texas doing the same familiar thing that i've always done? no. do'nt get me wrong...there are a WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE that i can't wait to hug, kiss, and hear their voices....but as for where i am in life, i wouldn't change it for the world. i've got so much to be thankful for. and it isn't just the roses...it's the thorns that give those roses their character and sustenance...those are the things i'm thankful for.

Revelations.

2007-11-14T19:27:00.000-08:00

I don't know how it happened...or when. But it did. It was something like removing my glasses for awhile and going with just one contact (which is what I've literally been experiencing as I lost all of the boxes of contacts for my left eye!). I was without clarity. I was really down. I was defeated, I'd say.

However, it happened. I went to Puerto Vallarta this weekend...for 3 1/2 days, actually. And it was like stepping out of the situation removed any doubt. I just had to get clear view. And now it's okay. I was refreshed. I once again used reason and rationality to make decisions. And as I was laying there, on the beach underneath the warm and brilliant sunshine of this precious Mexico beach, I got it. The inspiration that drove me to pack everything up, swallow my fear (tears, comfort zone, etc), hop on a plane, and come into the middle of who knows where....for who knows what. I didn't have a clue. But somehow I have found a weird sort of sense of home here. My inspiration returned. I laid there and, while processing whether or not I should accept a higher paying job in paradise.....reason re-entered the scene. I've got 50 kids that look up to me, that respect me, that NEED me, that want me to be strong for them, faithful to them, and present a sense of direction in their lives. That's the reality of my life. That's what I do. And the disorganization and frustration and politics and instability....all of it sort of fades into the background. I literally pictured Alex's cute face adorned with crooked glasses....Emmanuel's sarcastic grin....Memo's smile....Karen's inquisitive gaze....Carlos' hugs....Pablo's semi-evil debate tactics...Alex Manuel's notes at the end of his essays that devulge things that he needs me to read, know, and probe....Paulina's confused pre-adolescent wheels turning in her head....

And I knew that I couldn't. I couldn't do what MIGHT BE the better thing for me right now....what might be the easy thing right now...what might possibly be the thing I've held out for for quite sometime. Despite the attraction of choice "B"...choice A is the right thing. It's the good thing. It's the thing that in the end will mean more to me. I have kids that rely on my judgement, on my words of affirmation, on my encouragement, on my presence to them. And somehow, I couldn't walk away from that responsibility. The thought of leaving them to someone else....it made me physically feel ill. I couldn't imagine that. Not because I'm not replaceable....I am. Not because someone else couldn't rock their world or impart just as much or more than I can.....they could. Not because I'm the greatest thing that they'll ever know....that isn't true. But what is is that I have a covenant with them. I have a level of trust with them. And I can't abandon that.

I can't walk away.....for fear....for frustration....for anything. I owe it to them.

And honestly, they crossed my mind more than I could have ever imagined. And somehow I just knew. I knew that THIS was it....right here. Right now. There was nothing in that moment of decision that was more important to me.

When I talked to my director on Friday, I laid down some pretty strong demands...and I followed them immediately with, "Because for me, English teacher is by far my secondary title. I've got little people for whom I am responsible....they are what matter to me....their formation as people.....not as English speakers....as the people that they are. That's what I do....in life....and as a teacher. That is my responsibility." And from there, I left. And that will stick with me. In the midst of chaos. In the midst of frustration. In the midst of whatever else arises....Mexican school system, Texas school system, wherever school system. That is my gift, my privilege. To mold and shape little people.....to pour myself out in an effort to invest in the lives of future leaders, teachers, presidents, athletes, business men and women....that's it. That's what I do. That's why I'm here. And that, fortunately, re-entered the scene for me. They deserve the best of me. They need Miss K at her best.....doing what she was born to do.

And that's where it'll go from here....revelations. Thank God for those.

My Hero.

2007-11-06T12:55:00.000-08:00

I have the most amazing sister. She sends me these emails every day (without fail- the night before even so that i'll be sure to receive them!)....and they say things like: "have the most spectacularly stupendous tuesday you've ever had in your whole life....have a witty wednesday....have a masterpiece of a monday...have a fantastically freaky friday..." and so on they go.

She's recently turned fourteen, and I can say that one of the hardest things about living in a different country is being away from her. She's delightfully beautiful....and more than that, she's got a sense of humor that amazes and delights me. She's very strong....and incredibly smart. She fragile and delicate, but so put together: very decisive. I was never that way. She constantly dazzles me with her self-assurance and her ability to wisely counsel and impart wisdom to her friends.

She's a pretty spectacular young woman. I miss her. But I'm thankful beyond words for her faithful communcation and keeping in touch. I look forward to her words every single day.

Thanks, Rel, for speaking so much into my life. You're a blessing to me...and truly one of my life's most respected heroes. I love you.

and we danced.

2007-10-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

we just danced. right there in the living room.

it was freeing. really freeing.

i forgot. it was good.

i laughed. really deeply. it was precious. a gift.

just danced....leti and i...leti´s dad and i. leti´s mom and i. leti´s madrina and i.

dancing. salsa. meringue. cumbia. "michael jackson."

release---really sweet. freedom washed over. and we danced.

otra luz...

2007-10-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

I saw things from a different perspective today. Really. I was sitting there, and a whole new light shed itself about the entire room. She was talking and I saw past the scatter-brain. I saw past the exhaustion. And I saw humanity. I have a difficult time with this sometimes, I've realized. Just seeing the sheer humanness..I think my brain develops this weird systematic way of thinking, which, in essence, reduces life to perfection and failure.

That's it. Those are the only two options in the book.

And sometimes that's ok. But most times, it isn't. I'm always amazed at those people who can really reach beyond reason and get into the feelings phase. I'm not good at that. Not in the least bit. I seldom am a "feelings" person myself, although living by yourself will teach you how to get in touch with those really quickly. More so, I think that (on purpose) a significant number of people have been introduced into my life here....not just a few. Un monton....

And they speak into my life everyday. Sometimes it's in ways that I do'nt see or understand...and that frustrate the living daylights out of me....really. But honestly, these people are speaking life to me in hidden, subtle ways that I am finally beginning to recognize.

I view perfection as the ultimate...and often times, in the attempt to teach my kids about integrity and responsibility, I cut them off in the middle of explaining for the thirty-third time why they DON'T HAVE THEIR HOMEWORK....and I'll just say, "You either have your homework....or you DON'T have your homework." And that's the end. Black and white for me. There's not a lot that can be in the middle. It's one way or the other.

But then there's this pivotal point of balance. Perfection is NOT the ultimate. It's really not. It's kinda boring. I'm bored with the things in life that just are. There's like this rush in the process....it's human. It's natural to be enticed by the figuring it out.

And then there are people like me....who just find that life works better if it works....that life just flows smoother if someone rationalizes....that things be put in boxes (neat boxes with labels, please)....that there is a "yes" or "no" for every question. And THOSE people miss it sometimes. It's because the MARK becomes the idol. The process becomes the antagonist. Just get there. Just make it work. Just do it. (Nike must have a CEO that's like me).

But then there's grace. I do'nt know how to maneuver in that "thing"...it's unknown. It's not "fair"....it's not "just"....it's not "reality".....it's a cop out. It's an excuse. It's less than perfection.

Ah hah. And there again pops up that trap for me. I've spent a lot of life missing the details for the sake of perfection. I've spent a lot of life missing the relationships for the outcome of the "junta"....I've spent a lot of life walking past the true learning experiences for the sake of gripping the answer. I don't often do well with flowery stuff. I don't cry during movies. I don't tolerate sappy, emotional stuff (just get it together for heavens' sake....). I don't allow for very many mistakes before you're struck from the jury of my life, so to speak. I demand that you hold up your end of the deal at all costs. And I do that with everything in life.

I saw things differently today, though. This instance was a school meeting, in which, I as usual, was frustrated because I was told originally that I would need these certain grades/percentages....so I did that. Then, no, it changed. It was THESE SIX with THESE percentages....and then today, all of a sudden (the day the grades are due for my 50 little people)....NO! There are only THESE THREE (one of which wasn't even in the original list)....and then, by the way, for your homeroom, you'll need to enter these extra SEVEN.

So in the midst of being peeved at the thought of having to stay longer and do something else that wasn't in the mix....not to mention, I had other responsibilities that I was committed to...and I certainly (for the sake of perfection) wasn't going to squirm out of those. I was going to do it. All of it.

But then I saw her. I saw her face. I watched her eyes. I glanced away because, really, it was something hard for me. To "permit" failure. To be "okay" with what I had wound up in my heart as "injustice." But then I saw something.

It IS a real battle for her too. And she's not failing miseraby, a thought I'd sometimes entertain in my mind. There was a passion that was so familiar to my heart....something that resounds from the depths of my soul. We have the same desire. We just try to get there in a totally different manner. And that was powerful for me. The "imperfection" IS her process. The "perfection" is mine.

The words that come out of her mouth sometimes astound me. NO, I will NOT give that kid another chance to make-up his work, he's had eight weeks...oh, and if he didn't care enough about it in the first place to do it, why should he care now..in the final days. NO. And if the kid earns a 2.3, I want to put that. Fluffing it with a 5 or 6 is not okay. It's not the truth.

That's the Miss K methodology.

That's not hers.

And I've been shut off to her way of thinking for the greater part of my life. Even went so far as to think it ridiculous. But then, today, I saw the error in my ways. To grow, learn, change, be greater than when I woke up yesterday, I can't shut out the influences...the very people that I need to invest in me. And to grow, I've gotta reach this level of cognition that challenges what enters, debates it, rattles it around and around and around, and then decides....an exploration. Not just the sheer "nope. I don't think so. That's not what I believe. Next." The way to be intelligent is to listen. To critically perceive. To weigh over and over and over.....and then judge and decide.

I want my kids to learn that. I'm using methods that challenge them in that way. But, once again, I see the error in my own modeling. I don't always do it.

So I'm grateful for that meeting that I originally thought a waste of time....pointless. Actually, now, I'm glad that I was sitting there in that very chair...to get it. To learn yet something else. To find a flaw....a big one. And more than that, I'm really thankful for the people that are challenging me to think outside of my own little box....to reach into something so unfamiliar. It's the way to truly gain knowledge that turns into wisdom......this.......reaching. seeking, striving. and really, in the end: listening.

un sueno.

2007-10-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

"all that i am is in your hands." it's a line from shawn mcdonald's....all in need. this song soothes me....something amazing.

profundisimo. vinieron del abajo....adentro. sin explicacion...nada mas vinieron. needy. y luego....mas confianza que he sentido jamas. jamas. es raro, no. tan poco. tan lejos. pero confianza mas intima que he conocido.

rapido. todo es asi. nada mas. cambio en un instante. y ya. todo diferente. pensamientos. sentimientos. ya cambiaron. tienen que. decision. mezcla.....tan dulce.....se junto con miedo.....se junto con confusion.....se junto con paz. pero.....si? o no?

todo lo que necesito. se parece que ya es completo. pero otras cosas nuevas. todo lo que quiero. es tan facil. me ofrece....

es como la lluvia. se cae....y nunca es lo mismo....shatters.....pero por lo bueno. por lo malo algunas veces. pero es que todo depende. cada cosa preciosa....ofrece la vida.....ofrece la belleza.....ofrece cambio.....ofrece la limpieza....

al mismo tiempo, puede ofrecer el dolor....ofrece destruccion.....ofrece mascara.....ofrece la oscuridad...ofrece protector, pero de lo que es real...

le dije. algunas veces, me levanto y siento como que todo se va acabar....como no? como que que estoy haciendo? tal vez deberia haciendo algo especifico....algo que cuenta....que se parece "bien hecho" en frente de los ojos que me miran. como no? que decidi? que estoy viviendo? y en esas mananas, nada mas, reflejo en lo que es mi decision....y sigo. camino. ando. corro.

es perfecto. pero debe ser asi? eso es lo que me asusta. realmente, no se. mucho de pensar. si. y asi es la vida. que cada dia crezca. que diario aprenda. que todos los dias cambie por lo mejor....a ser mas.....de que, no se....pero mas....

espero. deseo. sueno.

Are you kidding?

2007-10-18T12:32:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I'm REALLY glad I'm NOT in the States....

News like THIS: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21262661/

Gore wins peace prize???? Global Warming......

I'll stop. Really. I have to. I have no more words.

The Day.

2007-10-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

So just sitting on my bed listening to a little banda. I like banda. It makes me happy....upbeat....fun....

Anyways....I've been an extremely inattentive/lazy communicator this week....so I apologize to the faithful ones who have responded to my emails...and have sent thoughtful words my way. I've been buried, seemingly...and really exhausted this week. Really exhausted.

My kids have their bimestral exams this week...so bless their hearts, they're STIR CRAZY....which is hard on them AND on me. I referee a LOT more and have to work a LOT harder for their full attention. However, today we sang "I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas" with all of the sounds of the vowels. That was hysterical. We had a great time...and they were captivated for a little while. My sixth graders listened to the recording of Dr. Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech so that they can create reflections via artwork tomorrow. That was like pulling teeth...they didn't have the attention span for it....but we'll see what they actually did absorb from the listening and the analysis. Ha. Who knows?

Then during after-school tutoring in which I have the secundaria students (that's like junior high in the States and Canada), two flipped over in their chairs...and one WROTE ON HER DESK with those oil-based crayons. It took all I had not to react in a very drastic manner. Instead, I walked over to the desk, waited for the presenter to finish his story....and removed the crayon from her hand. Then I calmly looked at the two who were chatting....and said "Quien lo hizo?"

Then I marched myself to the cleaning lady, obtained a cleaner and rag...and she scrubbed. I was pretty sure the color wasn't going to come off, but I was going to make sure she used every ounce of muscle and effort in her body to try. It did, amazingly....but she spent the last fifteen or so minutes of class removing it. I found out upon leaving that she is the PRINCIPAL'S DAUGHTER....por el amor de Dios. Ay yayay....me matan!

Sometimes it just isn't funny anymore....when the kids in talleres don't want to be there....but that's the whole point....is to make them equal with the others in the class...when they won't open their mouth (as in the case of this same girl who colored all over the desk)....literally, I asked her several times to do something or respond to something....and, of course, not making her be the first or only one...I always made sure that she'd seen plenty of examples from the others (more advanced) in the class. Not once did she open her mouth. NOt one time. I had a hard time not just looking at her and saying, "Why are you here again? Because, really, I'm thinking htere's no point." I think I'll do that when I talk to her mom, the principal.

Anyways....on the flip side, I'm pretty excited that we're going to begin studying some fun "unit things." Halloween combined with Dia de los Muertos....it's a big thing here...and there is some really extreme and cool history. So we'll be exploring that the week after next. Next week is United Nations Day, so as a department we've been asked to forge the way with that....my kids are going to do research projects and then present their own individual countries of choice. I'm excited to see what mine come up with and then proudly display them in the school's entrance. Very cool.

More than that, each teacher/staff person has a mandatory meeting this week with the school's psychologist (or at least they TOLD me all of us had to go...maybe it's jsut me....hehe....they're discovering my secrets...hehe). I had my meeting with her yesterday. Made me feel like I fit. We're discussing interpersonal relationships and how to improve the climate, in general, among the staff/direction/etc....it was good for me to experience that...to give my input and be heard...my frustrations were able to be spilled forth and that was okay. I think things are definitely improving in that area for me personally. A lot of it was just learning how to fit in this system with these people...happens everywhere. So anyways...maybe some changes yet to come...for the betterment of the institution.

Wow. Okay. My eyes are closing. I've gotta jump under the covers. Have a great end of the week. Thanks for your faithfulness and friendship.

Faces.....

2007-10-11T20:40:00.000-07:00

A few shots of my kids here at school. The first few are of my sixth graders....and, yes, they really are THAT excited to be in English block for half the day (hahahahahahahahahahaha!)....the middle one is of the "mural" we created after completing our Civil Rights Movement discussion. They did a fabulous job!

The flast few are of my fifth graders. I taught them to square dance today, as an accompaniment to our section on Tall Tales...they're currently creating their own....

This is what it's like teaching English in Mexico...

2007-10-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

The joys of teaching in a foreign language to your students....

I'm going to share a story Diego wrote. He's 9....precious like no other....chubby, with a smile that would melt the toughest of hearts. Here's his journal entry using superlatives:

One day, I smell one thing and I say: "I don't like that smell. I need to find the responcible for the smell." One day I smell something and say: "That smell is smelliest" and search and search the responcible of the smell. I find 3 dead skunks but in the night the skunks wake up of the another world. His eyes turn reddest, his hands turn to hottest hands. and his hear (hair) tightest on his head. all the are biggest. In the night were scared because the skunks are ugliest zombies. I fight and fight. In one night I to the skunks: "If you keep my world along I will give you a big blue diamond." The skunks accept and go to other world. The end.

Then there's Joshua's work. The prompt for that day was: This is how peanut butter is made. He writes:

First: they plant a peanut tree.
Second: every two hours, two peanuts come from the tree.
Third: they mush the peanuts and add water.
Fourth: they add cream and milk.
Fifth: they put in a jar.
Sixth: they go to the supermarket.
Seventh: they go to the person's home.
Eighth: they make peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Ninth: the person eats the sandwich.
Tenth: the peanut butter goes down the toilet and to the ocean. It's the peanuts final destination.

What thoughts swirl through the minds of fifth graders, no?!?!?!?? :)

I love my job.

2007-10-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

I love my job. I do'nt love the notes from parents:

"Dear Miss K:
I would like to express that I think your grading is drastic. First of all, with all due respect, I think his effort along deserves more than a 0. Secondly, he tried his best by looking up the information, organizing his page with lines and drawings, and then writing it out. I'm sorry, but this topic was not an easy topic to do, due to the fact that it's part of history and you cannot change the facts or the wording. I think these types of essays are a little hard for a 10 year old who is learning English and trying to put it into his own words. The information has to come from somewhere and writing out that information (the facts) is not stealing (she underlines those words). I think your wording is a little harsh, and I think he should be given the opportunity to do it over, not just be given a 0. Please forgive me for being upset, but his grades and his feelings and efforts matte to me."

This was all over the fact that my classes (both fifth and sixth), as a part of their weekly homework and outside of class activities have to research a given topic and construct a one page (5th or 2 pages for 6th) essay. The topic ties in to what we're covering in class...for example, they've researched topics like the Oregon Trail, Mexican holidays (during Independence Day), cultural traditions, etc. We've had the discussion that goes: "Who knows about plagairism? You cannot go to the internet, download a page, and give it to me. Why is that not okay? (we don't learn, it's stealing, etc.) Yes. It's stealing because someone else took time to construct that page or information and you are giving me that paper as though it were your own....with your name on it. Also, if I wanted to know about something from a professional or scholar on the subject, I could do my own research. The point is for you guys to critically think through things and write your ideas on what you find out. I do'nt expect perfection (and I certainly don't grade solely on that....my lowest levels receive as high or higher grades than those who are native speakers...i completely go off of personal ability and use a grading criteria so that it's fair). Therefore, I want to see YOUR work and your work only."

The funniest thing about this particular letter is its timing. This kid has received straight 9-10's.....he's a fabulous writer...and more than that, he speaks and writes almost perfect ENglish. For that reason, it came as such a shock to me that I typed the first few lines of his essay into google...and discovered the entire Wikipedia article copied to his "lined" page. So I wrote on his paper: "This is copied from Wikipedia. Don't steal others' work. Yours is SOOOO much better. You're a FABULOUS writer- I like what YOU create." I gave it back to him with a zero on the top.

The thing is: this is the 6th week of essays. He's given me his own work every week...and more than that, we specifically had the conversation last week that thye could use all of the notes I gave them in class (becasue I downloaded pictures and information from the net, as well as hauling my laptop everyday so that they could have a more hands-on experience with visuals....as the Oregon Trail is not the most familiar topic to fifth grade Mexican students. For that reason, I gave them information on top of information and had the conversation about using that information to construct hte essay. Furthermore, they had to construct several "comprehension check" activities....

They had to paint their "parts of our class mural"...but completing the following: This week, I discovered....
Cowboys...
The most interesting thing this week was...
I couldn't believe....

And so on and so forth. So what I'm saying is that they had plenty of prep time to prepare their thoughts to construct the essay.

Furthermore, this kid, as mentioned, has never copied or had trouble creating his own stuff before...for that reason, it blew my mind that it happened....

Anyways...so I'll take the opportunity to go over all of this with her in a meeting that I've asked her to arrange with me...

I do love my job though. Today in fifth, I had three of my best English speakers copying each other's homework...and I was so proud when I asked them to come outside..and they all completely owned up to their mistake. There was no blame game. It was a straight up: I did that. It was wrong. I was so proud. I sent them to chat with my director...but they were very accepting and responsible about their behavior. It made me smile...all of the talks....all of the chats about stealing (such as the one mentioned above)...it paid off for those three.

Also, I started class with my sixth graders...and as I was checking homework, a few of them were throwing this molding clay they've been using in their science class. I looked at the primary culprit and said, "What happens if you throw the clay in the class?" Everyone chimed in with "report!"....that equals suspension, a phone call to parents for a meeting...and it's three strikes you're out...so only two remaining chances.

Anyways...finished checking...and I was making my way back to my desk, when, once again, he threw another clay ball. Mind you, I'd already written in his behavior log from last week about this issue....his parents had to sign it...and then again, I've given him a thousand warnings...and finally made it clear that I would follow the rules as set up in his Spanish class: report for throwing clay.

I asked him to step outside...and went looking for the Spanish teacher so that I could be sure as to the rules that have been established in the class....we had a long talk. He admitted his mistake. He chose to clean the entire salon (classroom)....and we had a serious heart-to-heart about what it means to be responsible and mature...to be a young MAN....I asked him if he has what it takes to protect others in his classroom...and to protect the feelings and time of the people that have to clean the room. He told me he didn't understand the question, so I called the cleaning lady over. I made him ask her about cleaning the room, about the time it takes, about what she has to do to scrape the clay off the floor, about what it feels like to have to clean up after the messes of other people...and bless his heart, the kid got tears in his eyes.

Then, as I returned to the class alongside him....I noticed that the others had continued throwing clay rather than obeying my directive to read the story from the reading book. Of course, I get there to the chimes of: "Miss K. I finished. I did it. I read. I...blah blah blah..." pure mentiras (lies).

I looked at them...and with the most serious tone and mirada (look) I could, I said...."if you had any part in throwing clay"...i was interrupted by the blamers and the accusers....i calmy and firmly said, "I do'nt want to hear anything about what anybody else did. You know in your heart if you had any part in throwing anything...and if so, stand up out of your chair right now...and pick up every piece of clay on the floor." WIth that, every single child stood up out of his or her seat...and began making a sweep of the room. Following, two of my most trouble-making boys (that have really had a turn-around...even completing HOMEWORK...God bless Mexico!) went over, got the broom and dustpan...and as a team, swept the room.

Emmanuel (the original castigado) gave me a thumbs-up and a huge smile. His justice had come. He was proud of what he'd done...and of the cooperation of his classmates.

We had a long talk in Spanish with their Spanish teacher AND the cleaning lady...about being responsible, mature, and learning to value others' time...and not take advantage of a service (cleaning) that is offered to them by adding to the workload that is NOT prescribed to the victims....it was cool to see their faces...they clicked.

We moved on about our business after several questions from them....and then I had them write letters to the custodian...half in English...and then translated in Spanish since she can't speak English. It was amazing to read their words. They really felt what had happened....it was a cool moment for me, as their care-taker, instructor....teacher.

Also, I got to have some serious talks with the counselor (psychologist) today.....as well as with my director. And it's like maybe I'm getting somewhere. Maybe I'm being understood....not that I haven't fought for it...but to be able to show that while introducing the selection on Rosa Parks....I tied in so much about Mexico's own history and experience with fighting for freedom against the Spaniards....

As well as just the cognition that has happened in the last week in our classroom. It blows my mind to read the papers they prepared for the mural....they had to finish statements like:
I saw....
Racism looks like...
Rosa Parks...
I couldn't believe....
The most interesting thing was...
I discovered....
Buses in Alabama....

And to read what they wrote...mind you, it's not perfect...and it's so badly phrased sometimes...but they GOT IT....they got the message that I was pushing for....I spent a whole day allowing them to watch a youtube video I found that is a tribute to the Civil Rights Movement...and I had them analyze the music used, the contrast of color and black and white....the references to Abraham Lincoln....the faces of the kids and why they were inserted as such...the motive of using only a HAPPY face for Rosa Parks' memories...the arrangement of the scenes from history.....motives of the Ku Klux Klan, as portrayed in the video....

That's stuff I learned in COLLEGE in my rhetoric of protestation movements class.....and my sixth grade students in MEXICO...got it! They understood. They processed it...they figured it out...and they let me know with their work for the mural and their participation in class discussions.

The stop sign as the background on one of their pages that says: Racism have to stop! was the moment of sheer joy and hope for me.

I love teaching. I love teaching because I can see when they GET IT. It has so much more to do than this language or that language...so much more to do than a story about a girl who rescues a bird or a man named Davy Crockett....or this curriculum or that one....when they see the value beyond what we're doing...when I'm able to mold them just slightly...into young adults who have purpose, healthy self-esteem, values, and core principles that they are willing to stick by.....that's what does it for me...

And it beats every battle I have to fight in order to get there.....it beats every frustrating parent conference...like the three I had yesterday...and the one where the mom flat out told me that English really wasn't a big deal. Their main focus was Spanish and that her son WOULD NOT be attending after-school tutoring....

No. The notes from my kids...that say things like: "Miss K...I couldn't believe what I was reading when I looked for this information about the Titanic. It must have been really scary to know that you and your kids were going to die on that boat. It made me really sad." Or when they give me hugs and flowers...and little notes that say "Tank you for yu class...."and then accompany that with a big smile...or the kid that just burst into tears today...and then came to me and buried his head against my chest....holding on for dear life...he wasn't afraid to...he did it right in front of the class...

And the little triumphs...like when the girl that won't talk to me even when she is standing looking at me face to face...RAISES her hand to VOLUNTEER information in front of the entire class....or the other one who comes to ask me if I think it's bad that she likes a boy....or the other one, whom I continually tease about stopping his drug use (since he's always in the clouds...)....he's the cutest kid in the world...and I love him to pieces....so it's become the joke now...but today I'm deep in the middle of instructions for something...and bless his heart...as though he had just landed from a long trip to another world, he pipes up: "Notebook??????" He hadn't heard another word I'd said...and that was the only thing he caught...so just in mid-sentence, he cuts me off...with the cutest look on his face, jumps out of his chair...and goes to his cubby. I couldn't help it. I DIED laughing. I put my head on my desk..and the others roared in laughter too. It was the funniest thing....it was one of those like you fall asleep in church and then jump up and start clapping or something during the altar call music becasue you want to pretend like nothing ever happened.

Yeah....I love my job. There are parts I hate...and there are things about the system that drive me crazy...but at the end of the day, after the millions of extra-curricular activities and battles....it's worth it. It's an amazing thing to be charged with the responsibility of investing in young people....to be privileged to be a part of their formation. I love my job. I really do.

For your viewing pleasure....

2007-10-07T16:08:00.001-07:00

A couple of albums that you can check out....life in Mexico! :)

http://txstate.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2151373&l=4793e&id=29622068

http://txstate.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2150682&l=b0958&id=29622068

2007-10-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

So I definitely DID get my first FLOWER from a student today! :) Yes....made my day.....HOWEVER yesterday (and this, by far, tops the flower thing)....uno de ellos me regalo un "Fruit by the Foot- Spiderman edition"...now if that isn't love from pupil to teacher, I don't know what is....:)

He's one of my favorites....and today, for the first time EVER in his life this semester....he did ALL of his homework...and we LITERALLY celebrated...I had the whole class clap for him....:)

It was a great moment in his life...I seriously don't know that it will EVER happen again....BUT he was SOOOOOO proud of the fact that he REMEMBERED to take his books home and do his homework...adn then to ACTUALLY bring it back....WOAH. It was big. And we celebrated. :) He's precious. My Felipe. :)

The Oregon Trail...

2007-10-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

So I've spent the entire week teaching about the Oregon Trail and pioneers to my fifth graders, right? I'm grading their journals today....topic: "Your family decides to go out West. Describe your experience on the Oregon Trail."

One of my precious little cloud floaters writes: "I live in Europe, but my family it not happy. and nos fuimos (we went) in a boat and then llegamos (we arrived) and nos fuimos in a wagen to go a Mexico."

Then she draws a lovely map, complete with donkey, of their trip from Europe to Mexico via the OREGON TRAIL. On the back of the page, she writes:

"It- Menu (that's supposed to be "eat"): Frijoles (beans), pescado (fish), lechuga (lettuce), and arros (rice)

Play: carts, futball, baila (dancing), and music

Animals- cow, horse, and a dog

Dress- Sueter, jeens, and blusas (shirts)"

Ay, yay, yay....it doesn't matter that I showed MAPS of the US and every possible trail that the pioneers could have taken to reach Oregon, nor that I made the BIGGEST deal in the world about the foods that they captured, prepared, and ate....nor that I got out the big map and had several students come up and show with their fingers the general area that we were referencing when talking about the "Old West" and wagons on the trail....no. This kid's going to Mexico, eating beans and lettuce....and she's wearing a sweater.....ay yay yay. These are the moments...these are the ones that keep me sane...the ones when I just laugh and shake my head. At least she learned what a wagon was, eh?

it works for me.

2007-10-02T20:41:00.001-07:00

"Come freedom, come. Come freedom, come. Come breathe...come breathe...come breathe on me. Trickle down and save the world two hands that I can't see...."

Never in my life would I have imagined.....I wish I had words for it. It's like this every day change that happens. Nothing is EVER the same. Ningun dia es igual. Every time I open my eyes....there's something new. It's impossible to be in a routine...because there isn't a single thing that is yet familiar, old hat.

It's kind of like one of those weird Bourne Identity kind of movies...where the past is seemingly erased...becasue I was thinking about it: this is my life now. And everything about it is changed. I can't reference "this is how it was in Texas...or this is how it was in the States...WE do things THIS way." None of that matters here. None of it.

From being able to turn wherever you want to, whenever you want to, no matter the light color. To seeing blatant sexual harassment in the workplace. To just flat out not being able to "drive thru" a restaurant when I want to. To just being moved out of the way when I am blocking someone's path.

It's not to say that any of it is bad...it's just to say that sometimes I feel like I live in the circus...and then on days like today, when I went back to Guadalajara for the first time since leaving, it was like sweet release. For some reason, it felt familiar. It felt like I knew what I was doing. I knew how to get around. I knew exactly where to go. It was nice to experience that. I think it was actually really good for me.

I think I dwell on this sort of inbalance that I experience, but I also think it's part of acostombrandome....a part of adapting and going through this cultural interchange that I call my life. There's no zone of entrance and exit...it's just a flow....

And as much as the newness beats me up and spits me out.....it's so rich....it's something like being given a gift that you can only unwrap one inch at a time...one inch per day....and someday, eventually i'll be able to get the full effect of everything that the package offers, but for now, i get to go layer by layer...piece by piece. and it works.

it works for me. sometimes i just have to lay my head back, feel the breeze, and sigh....other times, i just have to crack up laughing.....other times, i just have to shake my head and remember that this isn't what i'm used to. and that's so good for me. it's enriching. even invigorating, i'd say. yeah.

funny moments.

2007-09-28T15:06:00.000-07:00

so disciplinary/life-impacting/dramatic/serious moments at school happen. it takes everything in my heart not to crack up laughing at the whole scene when observing from the outside in retrospect. today 6 of my sixth grade boys had a little squabble on the soccer field.....turns out that when electives teachers don't show up for their classes, it's the teacher's responsibility (mine!) to cover that class....so in pe....they play....that's all they do. i don't plan pe...i don't execute pe. anyways....that's another hilarioty (and that's not english, i know....just chill, 'k?)

okay....so they had an issue while playing....one said a very bad word....becasue he was angry that the other guys were teasing him....one comes to tell on him for saying the bad word (but he FORGOT to tell me that he had instigated the whole affair....so of course, i call the kid over; he's PISSED....i mean, really mad. told me that the other guys had been teasing him about a girl.... but that he wasn't doing anything...he does'nt like the girl...blah blah blah. so we talk about the error of his ways...not to react with words like that, even when angry....la te da.....but the explanation from him is of course half in english, half in spanish...primarily because he's furious....not necessarily becasue he can't speak english....

so i call the other culprits over.....sit them down in a line....and ask them what happened...of course NO ONE knows or has the SLIGHEST clue why they are being taken AWAY from their soccer game and lined up for questioning....here's the story of my life on a daily basis: they're all sitting there looking innocent....then half start yelling in spanish and the other half start yelling in english...all at the same time...explaining why this one did that who did the other thing FIRST...and maestra, yo no hice nada....ni se que paso...nada mas se que estaba riendo...pero nada mas...no es mi culpa....emmanuel hizo este, este, y este....and on and on and on and on it goes....all talking at once...no one taking the blame...just explaining why it wasn't THEIR fault.....so finally, after listening for too long, i said, "so no one did ANYTHING....juan's just mad...and that's it?" then everyone starts saying WHAT everyone else DID do....but no one actually did ANYTHING themselves...then they all start arguing and the ones who were previously speaking english are now going back at it in spanish...

and i'm just watching...listening....then we switch back again with some starting in on english....and finally i cut them off....and we go through an explanation in english...then i realize that two of them are in outer space becasue they're understanding every seventh word that i say...so i switch and give the same lecture in spanish....and we go from there.

it's really hilarious. really. and this is every day of my life. discipline is a chore....for more reasons than one.... least i have a sense of humor, eh??!!!??

little clicks in my brain.

2007-09-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

i just wrote this in an email to my friend in chicago.

it's much more stressful than i anticipated, although
i think i wasn't given the ENTIRE story when i was
hired. for instance, being a new school means adopting
a new curriculum...being a new school means DEVELOPING
an english department...spanish, too,,,,,but everyone
can do that...they all speak that language and have
the traditional mexican educational backgrounds.
nobody seems to know anything about bilingualism or
how to make it happen...it's a foreign thing
here...that's trying to make it's way up in
popularity.

one of my hugest frustrations in these first weeks was
(and is) the fact that, in theory, we, the english
department, are very desired and heralded....we have
something that they want....that we can
give....however, in practice, we're sort of a magic
act side show that's pretty, but really not ALL that
important...we sort of add to the pizazz of the whole
package....actually, we might be the attracting
offer.....but we're really not all that big of a deal
in the end.

i support my thoughts with various attitudes from
fellow staff....i communicated with my "co-teacher" of
fifth grade spanish for the FIRST time two days
ago....i had NO IDEA what went on in his
classroom...nor he in mine....he made some comments at
our faculty meeting (which was the FIRST joint meeting
of the entire school year....we'd been having separate
meetings(- department by department- with NO
communication between the two as to the
goings-on)...for example, the spanish department has
"encountered for the first time" this certain five
teaching techniques...for starters, the book was
written in 1997....and it's stuff like "don't lecture.
let kids figure things out on their own so that they
can develop a higher learning capacity and
understading of the subject matter." "let kids work
independently rather than dictating and providing
lecture/question format." "use the what i know. what
i'd like to know. what i learned. technique for
comprehension check and predictions." and his response
was that there were only two or three staff members in
the whole school that understand this process which is
why it's hard for the teachers to adopt and
develop and WHAT? make more than one subject matter
blend with another one....you mean you really want me
to correspond math with science?...blah blah blah.

and i literally sat there infuriated....i wanted to
shout across the room: well, if english was even
remotely important to you...if you even dared to look
into what i was doing in my classroom...you would see
that those techniques are the very techniques that we
HAVE to learn and implement in order to get a
degree/certificate from college in the States and
Canada...this is OLD news....

that and things like the fact that our very principal
ISN'T bilingual...and my best analogy for that is that
half of our "body" (school. faculty, group of parents,
students, community) doesn't function..and it's not
important enough to her to fix (or at least that's how
i see it). we have students/parents that DON'T speak
Spanish...and we claim to be a purely and perfectly
bilingual school....we're not. we've got a principal
that can't communicate with a large (or at least
present) percentage of our make-up....this is not only
debilitating, but a slap in the face of bilingualism
in my opinion. it's not okay to have the very face of
our structure of authority.....not be able to practice
what we seemingly preach.

that led to huge bitterness for me in that i had a
student from the states that was a HUGE issue...turns
out 4 of his 5 cousins have autism...he's got
assberger's syndrome, but no one knew about that
somehow...anyways...just moved here, was freaking out
(literally)....we had some huge and serious issues
with him...and he all of a sudden became MY PERSONAL
CASE LOAD...his problems demand that....he needs a
PERSONAL teacher/mentor/coach/whatever....but the main
issue that we faced was that NOT ONE SINGLE OTHER ONE
of his teachers, nor the principal could talk to
him...couldn't communicate.

every time there was something that happened...and
there were many times, i had to leave my classroom,
drop whatever i was doing, to go to him and fix the
issue. every time. i literally lost FOUR days with my
sixth graders in ONE week for having to go be with
him...to deal with an issue that happened in his
PHYSICAL EDUCATION class. the principal couldn't. his
own teacher couldn't. the psychologist couldn't. so i
was all of those things to him and for him for those
first four weeks. and not only that, but the aftermath
was my responsibility as well. i had to contact his
mother (track her down) to let her know he was
suspended...and then be a part of the meeting to
translate for the psychologist, as well as offer the
options of re-entrance to the mom. just because the
others can't do it.

sometimes there's translation work. other times
there's....oh, the music teacher won't be here today.
the pe teacher can't make it. so you're gonna have to
come up with something...and by the way, that means
you DON'T get a break. oh, AND we expect you to be
here at 720 in the morning to greet the kids...then
stay out at recess/lunch....and then some weeks, when
you have the exit, you'll stay til after 3 for that.
you ahve the largest class in the entire school, with
the most variation in level and ability....but you can
handle planning for 50 students....just make it
interesting and be sure they're learning from this
curriculum used in same grade-level classrooms in the
states....thanks. come again....tomorrow, please.

yeah...so anyways...it was just really a WHOLE
lot...ALL at once...while i'm still really trying to
adapt/adjust. and it was like the newness and
honeymoon phase sort of drifted away right as all of
thise fell on my shoulders. i had been here for a
month before moving to ajijic. i had the days of
"could somebody please just freaking speak to me in my
own language....or AT LEAST understand me when i use
it...???" and the days of "i just effing want to use
my own currency....for god's sake, i DON'T want to go
somewhere and have to change it.....i just wanna use
what i've got...why do i freaking have to learn to
count all of these rediculous denominations?" and just
the days when i was fed up with waiting because people
are ALWAYS late....and the days where i just really
wanted someone to NOT look at me like i was an alien
because i have BLONDE hair and LIGHT skin....or
whistle or gawk or stare or say something like
"mamacita...." gag me with a freaking spoon.

there were those days. for sure.

but i'm growing. i'm learning. i'm changing my
attitude about a lot of things. and i think the
adaptation is a willfull adoption now....i'm no longer
resistant...and REALLY, HONESTLY becoming OKAY with
the differences rather than trying to criticize or
make them my mission to change. the truth IS that i AM
the foreigner here. i don't walk in and get things MY
way...becasue that's not the way things happen. things
are what they are. i've gotta be okay with them...hate
them....like them...whatever....but it IS this
way...and i've gotta embrace that.

the educational system is so different here....the
focus...the emphasis....it's all something to contend
with in the mind of a traditional American...but this
is why i'm here...to grow, to see new things, to
change, to develop as a human being and teacher....and
it's happening....every single day.

there are so many good things, as well. so many. and
i'm recapturing the ability to see those over the
frustrating ones. it's good for me. so good for
me....adjusting to an entirely different world.

Bless the Lord, O My Soul...

2007-09-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

So today was highlighted for one reason and for one reason only. I went to the store to get diet pepsi....and low and behold...i enountered: Miracle Whip Light. If only you knew the surging joy in my heart...it was like being re-born with freshness and delight...all of a sudden...the tiredness, stress, anything negative was gon the instant my eyes beheld the glory of the light blue top and familiar wrapping. It was truly like a ray of light. Really. You don't know. Do'nt pretend that you can relate....;)

Other than that, I'm battling with school still, but we're getting there. Turns out one of my favorite little rascals behaved really badly yesterday...so this morning (it's my week to greet students at the entrance....720 in the monin', ladies and gents!) as i was reaching in to help him with his backpack, he greets me with a beautifully-wrapped chocolate chip muffin...and his mother pokes him and says, "Que le ibas a decir?" (what were you going to tell her?)....and he says, "I'm sorry, Miss K. I promise to do better." It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. She got out of the car, apologized....hehe. Really funny. The muffin was stinking amazing, though...so he can act up any day he wants! :)

Other than that....I went to some new friends' house after school today. There's a girl from work (at the restaurant) who told me about these gringo friends she has...and they invited me to come swimming in their impressive neighborhood. So we did that this afternoon, ate a delicious (home-cooked!) dinner, and started a movie...until some friends from Nevada came over...it's a younger Mexican girl (my age) and her dad...he's traveling to the States tomorrow morning...she's just visiting from the States, but has lived half of her life here and half there...so we hung out and talked....it was fun...sometimes in English...other times in Spanish. THIS is the part about Mexico that I love...

That and the news that the Mariachis are on their way again! :) Woo HOO. This week begins the 9 day fiestas del pueblo in Chapala...so I'll be attending at least some of those nights! They ahve all kinds of fun traditional activities that are unique to each little town...so it'll be fun to see what Chapala is all about....:)

Anyways...I think the time to rest my head has come...have a great week. Email update on the way soon. :)

caddy's don't jack.

2007-09-21T22:07:00.000-07:00

so it's been a really tough couple of weeks at school. it's weird adjusting to an entirely new system of administration, viewpoints, disciplinary procedures, etc. i'm learning, though...i'm learning. i was frustrated a lot this past week....sad at times, ready to go back home other times, defeated at times, completely head over hills in love with my job other days....yeah. it's a weird day by day, blow by blow sort of scenario.

anyways....but today, to end the week, we had a big meeting of the entire faculty. that was nice because it's the first time that that's happened since school began over a month ago. sort of nice to look at eachother an communicate as a whole....(yes, you do sense sarcasm). anyways....so i say that to say that we got out of school late for having to be held up. i was really ready to go home, wasn't feeling the best ever (all of my munchkins are sick....one even vomited today and had to call his mom to come get him), tired from not sleeping well last night...and just in the mood to rest before going to my other job at the restaurant (which normally keeps me until 2 or 3 am). anyways...so i leave and notice that the cadillac i'm borrowing is making more noises than it usually does and that the gas tank is blinking EMPTY (yesterday, it showed 4 bars...and then randomly last night it's on empty). so i ease it through town....UNTIL i get to the light that is utterly and completely packed. it was in that moment that the caddy decided it was done for the day. it completely shut off, including the use of the brakes, steering column, everything. i was panicked. there are places to park all alongside the careterra (highway), however, this is RUSH hour traffic time...and people are everywhere....so there are NO spaces. i rolled off as much as i could...and the car just died. that was it. there was no moving it or doing anything. and there was no space even if i'd wanted to attempt to push it in neutral. so i told the little man that was in the store where i'd ended up...halfway in the highway, half off.

his concern was not blocking his stores entrance....it was the flow of traffic. i know, i told him...it's just that i literally can't do ANYTHING with it. i'm gonna walk for gas.

i did. i must have been a hilarious sight...i usually am when things like this happen to me. i made it to the pemex....the guy there told me that i had to go to the liquor store to buy a gallon jug, dump the water out, and return so he could fill it up with 40 pesos of premium gas to carry back to the car. great. as i was about to enter the liquor store, he whistled really loudly across the parking lot (i'm convinced that to be a mexican, it is a pre requisite to be able to whistle REALLY loudly and in about 5 different forms...for signaling purposes...you convey this sort of message with the tone, length, and volume of the whistle....i'll fail that part of my dual citizenship if i have to take it...)...i turned to see him waving me back over to the pemex. he told me to hold on, he had something i could carry the gas in. sure enough. it was a gigantic clorox bottle. i was delighted. he lent me that and the funnel to siphen in the gas.

i headed back towards downtown on the side of the road. i was quite the sight, as usual, because of my fair skin and blonde hair. it's always cause for ruckus...

anyways...finally get back and to my horror, arrive to find a LINE of traffic backed up so far....being led by the police truck...with the movement of traffic both ways, only one lane could pass at a time. the cars trying to go behind mine had to wait until there were no cars in the oncoming lane....i was mortified....and there was no hiding what was happening or to whom the fault belonged....the guerra....the gringa....me. the men who were in the stores lining where i had been pushed aside came out to help me put in the gas. they put it in. i jumped in. the car started. and i headed back to the gas station to put some more gas in and return the borrowed items. thank goodness they were so understanding....and supportive.

what a day. i learned: caddy's don't jack. when it even starts playing like it's getting low on gas...you better rush to the station....cause you'll be blocking the height of rush hour traffic in mexico if not. yikes!

Hmmmm...

2007-09-17T17:05:00.001-07:00

I just drank a margarita and know that tomorrow will be better. Yeah...surely. Yeah. I think so.

flood.

2007-09-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

so today maybe wasn't the best day i've ever had. i woke up to the POURING down of the rain....it usually doesn't rain during the morning...it rains at nighttime. so this was a strange occurence. anyways, showered...and just as i stepped out of the shower, the power blinked off. it came back on shortly after...and blinked off again a little later.

then...i averted the literal river that had taken over my front yard by going around on the patio. that was good until i got to the steps that were literally so innundated with water that i had to just forge the river to get to the next solid spot. i did, hopped in the car....and yeah. nothing. it told me that it couldn't start because the security program had been tampered with or something to that effect...so the car would not restart. i called a friend, who came for me with his brother. that was after trying to get through to cabs for literally like 20 minutes. all this in the midst of the pounding rain. i'm not joking. it was raining so incredibly hard. so we transfer all of my kids' books into the car of the brother...and head off for school. i'm literally more than soaked...and freezing cold. the books are all wet....and we're off.

we stopped for coffee at a local bakery. that was nice...and definitely the reedeming moment of the morning. the coffee was really savory. so driving to school was like pretending to be on a submarine. the water was gushing from all sides...and the cascades that our area is famous for had steep competition with all of the water falling off of the mountain sides onto the cars/roads. pieces of the mountain were literally caving in, covering the road. i found out later that all entrances to the city were blocked off...and that from chapala to ajijic (a ten minute trip when conditions are normal) was an over an hour commute because of the water and debris.

so we arrived at school....and to my surprise, almost no one was there. i was slightly annoyed that i had gone to all of this trouble to get there, even calling in to tell the secretary about the car issue....i had half my fifth grade group. they brought food. so that was a bonus...we ate taquitos, tamales, frijoles, and fanta orange soda instead of doing spelling. but, as well, very few maestros were there. me and a couple others. people couldn't pass to get to school..and on top of it, there were literal floods that really did a lot of damage to a neighboring city. several rescue workers, food donations, blankets, and clothes were sent to the pueblo this morning and afternoon.

the day drug on, as you can imagine...and with twenty restless nine year olds...it was a chore to keep them sane. we read, played games, and waited it out. the rain continued pouring until late in the morning. about halfway through the morning, i was giving instructions for something....and devin, one of my gringo students, turned around sharply in his chair to ask me a question. when he did, he spun his arms in the air....and completely showered me in the remaining coffee that i had been holding. he freaked. he kept apologizing. i just told him, "que bueno que me puse el color negro esta manana..." good that i put on black this morning, huh? he laughed nervously...and apologized again. it was no big deal. i was just soaked for the second time of the morning...with brown liquid this time. at least it was hot and not cold like the other liquid had been. :)

so we continued on. my sixth graders were really engaged in a book that i started reading them...so i now know how to pass time if need be. they were really entertained by my elaborate movements and sound effects. que bueno.

anyways...so then i left...sort of without permission. my kids had their last class with another teacher...andi snuck out...mostly because i didn't have car...and needed to get a ride. i did so with my friend carla, who's the english teacher for secundaria. she took me to the plaza to the restaurant. hopefully pablo can come look at the car later or tomorrow.

i took a taxi home...and am sitting here...really exhausted. i think i'm going to close my eyes. that would be nice. it was quite a day. i learned from my experience: how to maneuver with the ajijic taxi service, that teachers sometimes are required to be bigger than the circumstances that present themselves, how to not pass through the middle of my yard in the midst of a rain storm for fear of sinking through to the lake, that fifth graders can't be cooped up or easily entertained for more than about 10 minutes, that cadillac's have extremely elaborate security systems that don't really make much sense, that this community pours itself out for the sake of others without conditions...when the need arises and even when it does not...they are such a graceful and kind group of people....

it was a good day. a tough day. but a day full of learning more and more and more. that's what i'm here for. i'm trying to soak it all in....especially with the torrential downpours that grace us each and every day. i'm soaking in lots. :)

Pride.

2007-09-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

Watching my nine year olds run around our room this morning put only one word in my head: pride. I was sipping on my coffee...watching these little souls. It was precious. We were decorating the room in response to this week's celebrations for Dia de Independecia. You can only imagine how much green, red, and white littered our walls, floors, and desks. But how fun to see even the most shy of the crowd stand up, hammer nails in the wall (our walls are concrete...it's the only way to make anything stay up for more than 10 seconds), and sing songs from Mexico.

I loved watching/participating with them. Mostly, though, I loved listening to their joy and their excitement about being from Mexico...they understand what it means to be from a free country. They rejoice in that. They admire their President. They see their families as heroes....it's precious to see. I'm learning so much about the culture and the people...the traditions are beautiful. Really beautiful. This is such a rich culture....with so much to be proud of. I am astonished at various moments...just delighting in being a part of it all.

It's like every moment is decorated distinctly with a beauty that I can't describe. Even in the most difficult and grueling periods of time, things somehow are just tainted with this deep beauty. It's like when you know what something is, but can't find the word for it...or when you see something for the first time and try your best to remember every last detail so that you can convey the splendor of the moment....it's like that. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is....t's like a color that you've never seen, but can dream in...like a taste that stings your mouth's pleasure spots, but can't name....like a distant land that you somehow are familiar with, but know nothing about. It's truly extraordinary. This beauty that I speak of. And what's more? I am afforded the opportunity to wake up everyday with this being my life. It's not a dream anymore. It's not a far out there fairytale. It's what I'm doing. And in their faces, their words, their hearts....I get this spark of life.

This taste of beauty.

It really renders me speechless sometimes.

We were sitting in my sixth grade class today...and I really couldn't tell you what was happening at the moment, but I exploded into laughter....Emmanuel...what was he saying? Ah. I don't remember. And I wish I did...becasue it was precious. He was telling me a story....and it ended with us all just enjoying talking. Just enjoying being together. The principal thanked me today por "el regalo que Dios te dio a conocer a todos los alumnos....por tu carino para ellos....y para tu capacidad a saber lo que necesitan especificamente." (the gift that God gave you to truly know all of your students...the care and concern that you give them...the ability that you have to know exactly what they need). In turn, I wanted to say to her....it is the students that teach me. It is my distinct honor and pleasure to be a part of investing in young people....to be a part of watching them grow....of imparting little bits of truth and wisdom....they're amazing little people. I love them. Really, I do. They're growing on me. :) I never thought the day would come when I would ENJOY this age...this group....the challenges, the struggles....but they enchant me.

It's good. This kind of pride....it's a healthy kind of pride. I can stand beside the mom's and dad's...and in some way, shape, or form, begin to grasp what happens inside of their hearts when they see their gifts excel and grow. It's a cool feeling.

Album...

2007-09-08T14:42:00.001-07:00

To see all of the pictures that I took of the album I shared below, go to:

http://txstate.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2142640&l=4896e&id=29622068

You'll be able to view those and more.

Living the Good Life..

2007-09-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

So today was a great day. Paid to get internet....therefore, I am sitting in the comfort of my home, making lesson plans, and surfing the net. I guess I didn't realize how much I took having unlimited internet access in the States.....it's not so here. But now I have it...and I'll be back in business with communication. :) Thanks for being patient.

Other than that...this week at school went much better. We're getting used to each other and to the classroom situations. I spent one hour today re-configuring the seating chart in the room. Until you're a teacher, you can never appreciate the work your grade school teachers did to arrange the room in a manner conducive to learning...and appreciate the headaches he or she went through to make sure that every parent is happy with the seating arrangement of their child...and to pair people with other people...and to get to know the personalities and tendencies of each child beyond just the surface. It's tough. So, thanks, Mrs. Koy, Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Beckworth, Mrs. Stelter, Mrs. Otto, Miss Naylor, Mrs. Humphreys, and any other teacher that suffered through that on my behalf.

I spent the evening at the restaurant yesterday....it was so fun. I never thought I'd get to play "manager"...throughout all of my time at Cracker Barrel, I never thought the day would come that I would get to be the person in charge rather than the server. It's cool working there...and hanging out, though. It's my job to just kind of make sure that people are happy. I like that. I also help out with the bar a little...and I do the cash register whenever I'm standing around. Mostly it's just fun to go help the servers/cooks/and bartender. I really missed the restaurant world. Don't tell anyone, though, please. :)

It's the week of Independence Celebration here in Mexico. That means that there are ALL KINDS of fiestas happening. This is the month of Mariachi (trust me, I'm in heaven!)....so there are lots of Mariachi-type celebrations happening in all of the plazas around the area. Guadalajara apparently has some of the best in the world...I need to go one weekend this month! :) Here, though, there is no absence of Mariachi entertainment. Saw the ballet Folklorico. It's absolutely beautiful. The women dress in these amazing colorful skirts...and the men in their finest suit-type clothing. They dance as a group and as individuals. It's fantastic! So I was able to see that last night...

Also went to visit a little of the area with my friend, Ricardo. So I have included some pics of the lake. He took me to the most amazing "hideaway" view of the entire lake. It was truly breathtaking. The pictures can't capture the afternoon.

So I'll get those up....and get back to lesson planning. Hope that things are going well in your corner of the world.

This is my life.

2007-09-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

There´s a mountain. And then there´s this sky...the most amazing color of blue that your mind can capture. It´s rich...like it´s never going to end...and it´s clear, like it could break if I threw something at it....it´s brilliant...like something perfect froze in time....

And then there´s this water. It´s crystal-esque....something like a sheet of glass with minor infractions called boats or trees raising above the line that I can see. It´s magnificient. And the sound. Listen with your ears...the sound. It hits the black rocks that flank the banks. It pounds with a resounding crash...and rolls away, back into the mixture of blue and green. It begs to be touched...it impedes me to run into its arms....and stay there....be soaked and know the freedom of being completely washed over.

It´s like that on rainy days for me, too. I love to listen to the sound of the pattering drops...to hear the freedom that falls with every tiny splatter of water. It´s something like spontanaeity (spelling?)....with this perfect rhythm.

And then there are the smiles of the little people. These huge souls packed into tiny corpses....their smiles light up my life. Today, Christian was miming something so I could tell him what it meant...and I couldn´t help but cracking up in the middle because of the joy that exudes from that kid. And then there´s Memo....I wish I could scoop up a piece of his charisma and put it inside of my heart. He´s got so much life that teems from him...in English class and in Spanish. There´s Karen. She´s so quiet and so timid...but I can tell that she´s got something inside of her that will be released...and it will be spectacular. There´s Victor. He´s the kid that most teachers hate because he´s forever dawdling. He´s forever glancing at the ceiling, throwing (or losing...) his pencil, shrugging his shoulders when asked for homework, asking "Que quieres, Maestra?" when the entire rest of the class has carried out the orders they were given...the one that has the look of guilt always on his face...but it´s mostly just because he doesn´t have a clue what´s going on...and yes, in fact, he probably DID commit the crime. There´s Victor. But when that kid comes to school in the morning and hugs me...and says "Gut marnink, Miss KA"....it´s worth living for.

And there´s Alex Manuel. Precious. Absoltely precious. The heart of a warrior, that kid...and servant all packed into one little boy frame. He´s kind. And caring. And he tries so hard. He comes up with some hilarious concoctions of the English language, but he´s a delight. There´s Roberto. He´s a lot like Victor, except his major problem is that he just really doesn´t understand a word that is coming out of my mouth....but he looks up, smiles...and says¨"Es que...no entendi..." And then I hug him...and say, "OK, Mijo....tu vas a...." And he shrugs his shoulders, wrinkles his nose....and sometimes doesn´t do a single thing that he´s supposed to...but I can see the wheels turning (in Spanish)...and days like today...where I didn´t have to spend any individual time with him for him to get what he was supposed to do...and then having him elaborate intensely on his weather forecast...wow! Those moments thrill my soul all the way down to my toenails.

Yeah...and Janet (that´s pronounce YAnet)...she´s the tiniest thing I´ve ever seen. I could put twelve of her in my purse...but oh my gosh. SHe´s so cute. She greets me, explains to me that she didn´t understand...and then sits in her cute little desk and tunes out most of what´s going on. But she´s so cute that it really doesn´t matter. And then Adolfo with his mountain of curls....he´s the heart-breaker to be of the group. He writes the most amazing stories of his own creation. I dazzle at the words...and the drawings...and he has three clocks on his desk everyday. So he and Tory are the time keepers...and they let me know when we were late for something 10 minutes ago! :) Martin and Juan Jose are brothers...each in my different classes. And then don´t get much of English...but they have colored eyes that sparkle...and they get in trouble ALL THE TIME for talking across the room...but they try. And they write sentences that make little sense...but they try...and they talk...and they try. And they capture my heart every day.

Carlos is precious. Just his smile (because he doesn´t say much) lights up his half of the room. He doesn´t get much English...but what he does get, he USES...on paper. I´ve heard him speak like 4 words since I{ve known him....but he just looks at me and smiles....and life is good. There´s Sara and Karla...they´re twins. I have another set in my other class as well. They want to be cheerleaders...and for some reason, I must look like the cheerleader type...so they solicit my assistance EVERY day during recess. I´m really bad at cheerleading...but it´s fun to watch them be little girls. I never wanted little girl stuff growing up....so it´s fun to see that side of girliness. Precious. All of them..I could go on and on. I have 50....and could talk in great length about every single one. They enchant me. They delight me. They spill over with the same life that the rain gives....that the water reflects...that the sky captures.

This is my life. It´s Mexico. Wow. I am in awe.

Hijoles! (Oh My Gosh)

2007-08-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

So today was the start of my 5/6 grade year at Terranova....and can I just mention that 9 & 10 year olds possess more energy than I EVER thought humanly possible. Not joking. Those little guys were NUTS! :)

Seriously...at the beginning of the day, I was thinking..."I can't do this. This is NOT what I signed up for. I can't manage this." And then by the end of the day, I was thinking of how I was going to tie them up and beat them...and then by the early evening, I was thinking of disciplinary strategies (notice the healthy progression of thought unfolding here)....and now, I'm writing a letter to the parents to be checked over and signed...and tomorrow, we're getting straight down to business. No more Miss Nice K....hehe. :)

No, really, though. It was extremely chaotic...and I find several reasons that are the culprits:

1. I had NO IDEA what they had done...or what we were going to do because I had no materials or notes from last week in my absence.
2. I had NO IDEA as to the schedule of classes or what happens during electives/recess/etc....now I have a clear copy.
3. There is a freaking small country of children in front of my eyes every morning...30 of them....at VARYING levels...and we're not talking like...some can conjugate verbs and some can't...no, no, no...lemme give you a detailed description:

Tory-speaks three languages....decently proficient in English
Devin & Andrew- both from Houston (of all places)....do'nt speak a lick of Spanish...but have mastered the TAKS test in their respective schools
Siria, Janet, Kari, Katihuscka, Victor, Carlos- CRINGE in fear when I look at them and say something in English becasue they DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH (not even a little bit most of the time)
Chantel, Valeria, Joshua, Roberto, Memo- they get it most of the time becasue they've spent some time in the States (or have possibly lived there for a short period of time)

And the rest...you get it. Some are done in a split second with every activity...and are sitting there yacking away in Spanish...or in the case of Andrew, who gets it, are just spaced out....ADHD....in outer space...somewhere close to Venus...along with Alex, who doesn't understand...but even if he did, he'd still be on a rocketship headed somewhere directly away from the four walls of our lovely little English world.

Not to mention...they're LITTLE KIDS....little kids with LOTS OF ENERGY...lots of NOT wanting to be in the classroom, but instead OUTSIDE....or on a horse, or playing soccer, or watching tv. And it's not like there's space in the room to accommodate ANYTHING other than sitting confined to their noisy little desks...becasue there are nine million of them...all with BACKPACKS...HUGE backpacks...with 3000 notebooks, pencils, pencil sharpeners, rulers, markers....for EVERY CLASS. Then there's the infamous boys who throw stuff at eachother....of course...what else is new? Ruben, Alex, and Victor had to stand facing the wall today...and let me tell you how I broke the "no-Spanish" rule and went off in my best "I am your grandmother who is about to beat you with a spoon" voice to explain the directions of facing the wall to them....they got it...did they continue throwing paper airplanes? Yes....

Then there's the trip to the flag ceremony...that was hilarious. We sure did have to practice walking in a straight line with our hands over our mouths a few times before we could actually walk away from the premises. That was great....UNTIL they turned the corner...and RAN to the playground....my steadily yelling after them in Spanish....then we line up for what I later found out was the posting of the Mexican flag and the singing of the national anthem. That was funny...my kids had NO interest....so they're half sitting, half standing...half squatting...hitting eachother on the back....making funny noises. Yeah...those are Miss K's.....wonderful.

Later...after lunch....we're supposed to switch...6th for me....5th for Luis, my counterpart...turns out Luis never came...I had NO IDEA where he was....so I winged it...taught Spanish...that was FUNny. But we made it through. My poor only-English speaking boys....didn't have a clue...but they managed to produce a word or two in Spanish...mission accomplished, no?

Anyways....so all I have to say is that I'm seriously gonna need some more caffeine...and maybe some multi-vitamins (a teacher actually suggested that to me today!)....and perhaps a weapon...or four....:)

No, really...now I know...now I know about art class at 1whatever...and that they TAKE their backpacks to the library WITH everything that they need for the period...and that there are certain disciplinary procedures...and that my kids asked ALL WEEK for me to come...and wrote me letters....one even said that it makes him sad that I'm not here for the first week...and happy that I'm here for the second week. :)

So in the midst of emotion, excitement, no plan on my part....and a few other random factors...it was a hectic day. But tomorrow will be better. There is a plan in place...and there is a letter to the parents about our classroom...and about what's happening....and how things will run. And tomorrow there will be strict discipline (or so I say)....and a rigid schedule...and I think they'll get it. I'll get it. It'll be good. I'm really excited about a fun year...just have to get used to all that is new and different...and hearing faculty meetings in Spanish, as well as directions...and where I'm supposed to be and at what time...and the disciplinary history of every one of my rambunctious delights...yeah. I'll get it down. It'll blossom soon. Until then....hijoles!

Keepin' It Real...

2007-08-25T15:53:00.000-07:00

This morning was really tough. I was really weak...and feeling really alone....I wrote the following entry on the bus from Guadalajara to Ajijic....which, in reality, turned out to be my going to the complete wrong city...because I was under the impression that we went to Ajijic and stayed in Ajijic...when in fact, no, that is not what happens when you buy an Ajijic ticket...you have to ask to be let off in the "downtown" area....so needless to say, after we'd passed Ajijic....and I finally started to realize that maybe I should check on the amount of time remaining in the trip, I discovered that I was headed in the wrong direction...and had to hike half the country to find a bank to get enough money to buy a NEW bus ticket...and turn around and go back to where I had already come from. The tears flowed freely on the second bus...and I struggled to keep it together...just the thought of all of the change....all of everything...it was a little much for me this morning. The following is that account:

I need this bus to keep drivng and never stop...or for it to turn around instantly and return me to 2428 Isla del Coco. I don't know if I can do this.

My cheeks closely mirror the hillsides dripping left over rain drops....my tear drops spill more freely now, though, than the remnants of precipitation.

I can't even put into intelligible words what's happening inside of my trembling body. It's something like fear...maybe it's terror. It's something like yeah....that. That's exactly what it is.

The best explanation that I have racing in my mind (I think I am now-familiar with the way a szyscophrenic feels....torn in millions of directions and pieces, but none make any sense at all) is that I need to stand in my daddy's closet. I just need to go there...and smell the leather smell that lets me know that it's okay. It lets me know that my heart is safe. It gives me great stability because it is what identifies who I am. My dad-my hero....he was my first boyfriend....he was my superhero...he was my protector...he was the one that fought off the bad guys to make it okay. I need to go there. I need to rest there...if I could just curl up on the floor...not a sound....nothing but the smell...nothing but the safety...nothing but the security. That's what I feel like....as best I can describe with words.

This morning was the last time I rode 214...

Camine....camine...llore. Todo lo es familiar para mi....ya no es. Ya se cambio...otra vez. Como quiero saber y conocer a algo que no se cambia. Hace un poco desede he sentido segura. Pense que era esta cosa u otra...pero luego, se cambio. Y otra vez.....veo lo mismo.

Dance. Cuando el cielo esta oscuro y tira la lluvia....llore....y luego cuando sientes el gozo...baile. Vente....y vivir. Me voy...camino....pero a donde? Algunas veces siento como que yo se quien soy....en los aspectos relativos (en muchas otra no....porque siempre aprendemos quien somos)...pero bueno....como que lo que quiero...como mi trabajo....como mis deseos....como todo eso.....estoy viviendo mis suenos....y luego....algunas otras veces, estoy perdida. No se nada. Siento tan sola....Tengo bastante miedo....siento como que no soy bastante....que me falta mucho.

Mariposa...llego el tiempo a volar....pero como? En donde? Aqui? Alla? Estoy siguiendo el camino correcto? Deje.....que deje?

I find comfort in the sounds of piano from my IPOD. In the circles I've been running, I've covered many miles. I could search forever for what's right before my eyes. Just when I thought I'd found it...it was nothing like I'd planned. When I got my heart around it, it slipped right through my hands. I close my eyes...and see it. In a midnight talk. In a morning kiss. When I'm in your arms that's where it is. That's where it is....When I'm crashing through the madess...not sure who I'm supposed to be....when I'm caught up in the darkness....it's your hand that's leading me. You bring me back to solid ground. You lift me up right here...right now. This song touches my deepest part. I need some arms...I need someone to hold me. My weakness....my neediness overwhelms me at this moment.

Rain....Mosquitos...and New Drivers

2007-08-21T18:15:00.001-07:00

So yesterday I taught at 4, after finishing up with my own classes...then waited around to observe my classmate and give him some "constructive" feedback....then had made plans to go out with a friend. He's moving...so we had planned for me to just tag along while he arranged his paperwork and so forth. Great. So we're walking out the door....when I notice that like 4 other teachers are RUNNING outside...so Omar says: "Ah....I can't. I just can't." And I said, "What? You can't what?" He continued, "Leave. I have to stay." "Why? For what?" "They're short a teacher for this conversation class...and I can't bail." "Oh...ok. Well let's go..." So we pair up and teach the class...and finally get to leave around 930. It's too late for him to possibly get anything accomplished...so we decided to just go downtown and hang out...we sat on the bench and talked for a long time....and then agreed to part ways since the rain was beginning...and my buses were few and far between with the growing night....I boarded my bus around 1015...and prepared for the ride home. As we approached my street...I began laughing hysterically on the inside...because not only was the rain beginning downtown...it was GUSHING from the sky at uncontrollable speeds as we neared my drop off.

Not even joking...the streets were mini-floods all around me...and as the rivers washed the bus from side to side...the smoke from the cool water hitting the hot tailpipes fogged up our windows on the outside. Here I am: wearing a plaid pair of dress pants, with a lace-embroidered long-sleeved shirt and blue cami underneath. I've still got on my brown heels (thank goodness I went for the sandal version yesterday)...with my SpongeBob tote (he's been through much with me now!) full of folders, lesson plans, my wallet, the spare deoderant that saved me last round, my entire portfolio, my left-over lunch containers, and my gigantic army-hydrating sized water bottle. It was a lovely sight, I'm sure.

I put my hair in a ponytail....switched my IPOD to off...and deboarded....in an instant, I was consumed by the water that was literally up past my knees. Deciding that a rolled-up version of my pant legs might work better, I reached down to hike them up....something like a khaki over-sized bathing suit extravaganza in the middle of La Cruz del Sur...I can assure you that Houston and Guadalajara share their non-existent water-resistance/drainage capabilities....

What the heck...just make a run for it. I did....it's night....dark...and there are cars all over the place...thankfully the red light was my ally...and I crossed before too much time passed. I crossed both sides of this major highway...and dashed (as much as humanly possible in my now half-up/half-down pant leg concoction...and my eighty pound satchel at my side....the rain packed the bulge for poor SpongeBob. I walk down three streets to get to my own house...and by the time I finally arrived, my underwear (or bikini pants as our course instruction manual labels them...) were the only dry inches of my person..

"It's OK..." I told my family. I just had two baths today. They chuckled and assisted me upstairs to dry off.

I laughed the entire way thinking to myself how much I love getting caught in the rain...it's truly one of my favorite things in life...a simple pleasure that I secretly have a passion for. I didn't even try to run at the end of the journey...just clomped in my sandal-heels and gazed down at my bright pink toenails under the three feet of water that swallowed them up.

Then today...turned in the paper that was due....finished my lesson plan. Taught my class....and prepared tomorrow's items....we have our course final in the morning...so I have plans to study in about ten minutes....after this.

Anyways...so I catch my bus...and as I'm getting off....there is a new driver approaching. The car was JOLTING to and fro...and that's not a sufficient word. It was literally like going and then JERKING to a stop...the poor man in the front seat next to the teen (I'm sure it was his father)...had his head down. I think he was probably popping pills or something...not sure what...just know that the look on his hidden face was one of sincere regret...today was NOT the day for driving lessons...so told his shoulder-posture.

And on and on and on he continued driving down our major highway....stopping...and going....and halting....and onward...and woah!....and then a little more....ay...keep on.....oh no....stop....something like that. On and on.

Poor dad. Poor kid...today might be the last day he's ever allowed to fire up the engine of the beat up old black Chevy....with smoke spilling out over all of Mexico....if the clutch doesn't go, I'm pretty sure dad's had quite enough....

Ay...and HELLO MOSQUITOS....they are NOT my favorite creatures, yet they savor my gringa blood...I don't get it. Theyre awful. I think it's the rain...but I'm pretty sure the story stops here because there are about 237 of them around my body at this very moment....so good night to all. I'm off to study minus the mosquitos!

Lazy Days...

2007-08-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Some days you just really have this burning passion to write and convey thoughts....others, not so much. I've been in the "others" category lately. But today, there is a slight itch....so I'll oblige.

We're winding down with our TEFL course....I've got two more observed classes to teach...one unobserved. And then we'll take our final exam this week...and have a few extra days of class....and get our certificates! Yeah! This week was crazy. On Friday, for example, I was in class at 8....and then didn't leave from work (IMAC) until almost 9. What a day. But what a great experience. How I love teaching the students and learning so much. It's awesome.

Other than that...I've been doing a little traveling...with my family here. They're so much fun. They are seriously hilarious. :) My "sisters" Mayela and Mete....they are so funny....they're always cracking jokes and laughing. Yesterday, in the back of the van, with Raul (the older gentleman that I live with) driving...we were cracking up....it's like driving with your grandmother in New York City (no offense, Granny...I have full confidence that you are a superb driver in NYC....Raul has some years on you, though). We came to a halting stop every four seconds becasue there was a car eighty feet (here it's meters....man! is that hard to get used to....meters and kilos instead of feet and pounds....good thing I'm not signing up to be a math teacher.) in front of us. And then at one point, we were stretched out across like four lanes of traffic....people all over the place yelling at us and honking the horn...with my family consistently yelling back and using hilarious Spanish profanity combinations. I was dying....it was so funny. Then Mete was demonstrating her multi-lingual skills. hehe....so if you can only imagine us "speaking" Italian...with lots of made up words mixed in with words like Pizza and Spaghetti (with her cute Mexican accent)....or French....or English. Yeah...itw as hilarious. It feels so great to have such a stable and fun family to be in the midst of. It's so cool to watch them relate to one another....and see how much they love each other. It's phenomenal. And I've somehow been adopted into the mix of it. I can't explain with words what that feels like...to be in the middle of my life completing changing...but somehow having such an amazing group of surroundings. Yeah....as much as I'm looking forward to starting at Terranova, I'm sad to leave Guadalajara and all that I have here.

Today's just sort of laid back...nothing going on. I was thinking of heading downtown later today. I'm really wanting to see some Mariachi action. I have to see if my friend can go with me. I'm not keen on venturing out solo yet....but maybe. We'll see. Other than that, I'm gonna head to the park that's about 10 feet from my house....read a little....put away my laundry. That's definitely one of the most amazing aspects of Mexican living....not many people here have a dryer....so all of the clothing is hung out on the roof to dry...and you can only imagine how savory it smells afterwards....the freshness of the sun....it's awesome. I love it. I always love taking mine down and wafting it in the direction of my nose before cramming it in the drawer.

Yeah....so that's the story. I'm hearing about this hurricane. I think I'll look up some news on that before I go down from the roof. Thanks for the heads-up. I don't ever watch tv...so I never know what's happening. I'm gonna have to start. :) Have a happy Sunday.

Pics....2

2007-08-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

Alright...these guys....of the house I live in. There's one of my room...and the terrace. There's one of my friend Omar with his nephew. His name's Christian, but we call him Pollo (chicken)...he's the cutest thing in the world! Ummmm...what else did I put here...things in Guadalajara! :)

Finally...a picture show!

2007-08-15T16:09:00.000-07:00

This is a classroom in IMAC...the language academy where we are teaching. All of the classes are this small or smaller...with nothing but desks, a white board, and walls.

The above is a picture of the lakeside in Chapala (it's where I'll be moving in two weeks). I'll be teaching in a school in Ajijic...about 10 minutes down the road from here.

This is a picture of a street...all of the houses are built either up on the hilltop like this...or down on the other side...and flatter.

This is the little restaurant that we eat in everyday for lunch. We pay $2 for our choice of meat, rice, beans, soup, and drink. There's even soup if you want it....the people are awesome! We've all become friends. The guys in the picture are Fernando and Brett. They're my classmates. Fernando is from MExico and Brett's from Arkansas.

This is the school in Guadalajara where I am currently teaching....it's my practice teaching part of the course. The students are from all levels...and we teach one hour per day.

24...

2007-08-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking...I wish my life were a story like the ever-popular (and missed in my heart) 24....or a hilarious version of the movie "The Truman Show." Because, really, these last 24 hours could truly make a hit tv show or movie series in two seconds flat. Here goes:

Okay....so I was told that there was an old friend of my family's who had a house in Ajijic. She invited me to come over this weekend and stay, but I tried calling her for a period of five hours and got a busy message every time. I tried calling her cell phone numerous times, but could not discover the dialing code (I still don't have a clue how to dial a cell in the states). Anyways....so I missed my chance this weekend, but was thinking about the number I had tried and a card I had been given from a lawyer in Ajijic...the problem was not the phone line...it was the number the lady had given me. Turns out, they were backwards. I tried. Wah lah. She's there until Tuesday. Come over. Life's good.

Ok...so I tell her that I'll be leaving from GDL around 4 and get there around 5 more than likely. I discover, however, upon arrival to school, that I was mistaken with my class time. Instead, I taught an hour later. Turns out, I ended up not leaving school until nearly 6p.m. No sweat. I hailed a taxi (this having accomplished after RUNNING through the streets to the busiest street so that I could guarantee a cab). I slung my right hand in the air....successful! Okay...so I commenced conversation with the driver. I ask him to please take me to "La Central Vieja" (it's the old bus station in GDL...only neighboring pueblos receive service from there now...all of the other cities around the country receive service from La Central de Camiones). We're conversing. He drops me off. "Cuidese, mija" (take care...)...and I run to the opposite patio to purchase my "boleto" (ticket). Turns out...I'm exactly 4 minutes late....and missed the bus. Not to worry. Another one heads out in thirty minutes. I lose the high heels, drop them in my flourescent orange Sponge Bob tote (compliments of my sister)...amidst my lesson plans, manual, resume, powder, deoderant, and extra classroom materials- in total, that crazy bag has to weigh 30 pounds.

Finally, I get on my bus #124. The ride is about an hour....I tried to sleep, but kept getting knocked in the head by people passing by with their bags. So I gave up on trying. We pulled in to the bus station in Chapala...and I asked the viejo (older gentlman) next to me "Disculpa...Usted conoce a esta ciudad" (excuse me, are you familiar with this city)...."Si, he vivido aqui por toda mi vida" (yes, I've lived here all of my life). "Entonces, sabe en donde esta un restaurante se llama Salvador" (ok! then, do you know where is a restaurant called Salvador). He told me he did...and that he would take me because it was really far. Sweet. We walk down the street to his van. We talk. We get there.

He drops me off...and I stare at the six restaurants that face me. Not one says "Salvador." I approach the first suited gentleman I see...he must have been the owner or a higher-up. I asked him if the name of the restaurant was Salvador...and his return look let me know that I was sadly mistaken. He had no idea what I was talking about, but assured me he'd return with an answer. I followed him to the outskirts of the kitchen, where I watch a cook yelling at a server for taking a short order rather than selling something on the menu. Later, he comes back. "Esta en Ajijic?" (is it in Ajijic). I told him I didn't know, but that it very well could be. He told me that he thought that it was and that I should go there. The problem: Ajijic is about 10 minutes from where I was...he even told me that it would be a short run and laughed. He called a cab for me. I left....again.

The cab driver caught wind that I was interested in buying a car, so he spent his ten minutes with me very wisely trying to convince me that I need his 98 Oldsmobile. He gave me his card and told me how much. I got out at the restaurant. I was retrieved by a friend of the friend of the family. Turns out...it was so late that the whole house-looking arrangement couldn't happen because the lady that I was supposed to meet with went to a funeral. The other lady (from Texas) does not, in fact, have a house or any property in Mexico at this point. So I was given a mini-tour and then taken to Luz's house. In all this time, though....the last bus had left for Guadalajara...and I had just arrived....so I would have to stay because there was no way to reach the city until morning.

If I could tell you in words about the splendor of that house...wow. It was nothing short of magnificient. It IS what you think of when you think of high-class resort living in Mexico. It overlooks the lake and the mountains because it is on the opposing side. It has windows that stretch from the floor to the ceiling...probably twenty feet at minimum. The flowers that encase it are colors like I have never seen. The pool is lit up and flanked by the matching jacuzzi...complete with outdoor bar b que tools. As well, the linens that I slept on probably cost more than my college education (scholarships or no). My breath was literally taken away as I stood gazing out over the beauty before my eyes.

We had dinner...and I commenced with talking to Luz. She's from Ajijic...has lived there her entire life. She's forty and has two precious children. Manuel was the only one home...and we became fast friends. We played several games of cards and sipped coffee together outside. All of his three years' worth of learning his numbers were displayed to me...and he even counted for me in Engish!

After being informed that my journey was virtually useless in that I wouldn't be able to meet with Yoly...nor would I be able to view any apartments that night, a warm shower was the redeeming hope. I took in every fiber of the beauty of the mansion I was enjoying....I curled up under the beautiful blankets...and tried sleeping. I was unsuccessful, partially due to the pounding rain, thunder, and lightning that accompanies us every night of the current rainy season here in Mexico. The shutters were flying open and closed with the pressure of the wind...that had before been cool and calm.

I woke up at 445 to be at the bus stop a little after 5. I was off. Luz and I talked, said goodbye, and decided that we would see eachother as soon as I returned in a couple weeks. I slept in the fetal position on the cushioned seat of the luxury traveler....and arrived to be greeting by the bustle of the working class on their way to their jobs. The bus station was full of hustle...and vendors were everywhere with their breakfast goods and coffee. I asked several people before settling on which bus to take to my house. I decided...and headed out. It was difficult to gauge my location, in that I had never ridden that particular line around the city...abetted by the lingering darkness. The city had not awoken.

I finally grasped my bearings...and sat securely in my knowledge of my surroundings (I was even a little proud of myself for my growing bus-traveling capabilities)....that was UNTIL I got on the streets closest to my neighborhood. I saw the OXXO convenience store, the key-making booth (llaves), and the small bar that gave my street away. I was, sure, though, that waiting until the next biggest intersection (Cruz del Sur) would contribute to a lesser walk....so I waited. As we neared the intersection, however, the bus driver made a sudden left....eeek! We were supposed to go right....in the direction of my house and then following to the Centro. Not so much. I sped to the front and asked the driver to please let me out. He did...but I had a 40 minute hike to my house from that point. It was hilarious. I could only imagine what I must look like...in yesterday's clothes, with yesterday's hair-do....thankfully my friend had lent me his flip flops a few days before...I slipped them on my feet...chewed a piece of gum to cover yesterday's breath....and sincerely felt thankful for the deoderant that I had remaining in the bottle in my bag. On I hiked. I took in every inch of scenery as I hustled...every once in awhile I laughed at the picture of myself in my mind. If only others knew...if only people could watch. I really did feel like I was in some crazy movie plot. I decided that the assistance of my nearly-dead IPOD might lend to my silly fantasy. So I blasted Whitney Houston's techno version of "I wanna dance with somebody"....got in some Jars of Clay...some Amos Lee....some "Purple Rain"....and a few others....

Reached Isla del Coco....ran upstairs. 7:47....I had ten minutes to get changed, re-organized, and outta the house. Thank goodness the air had been so incredibly crisp and energizing. I think I was running off of an hour of sleep. I rushed out of the door only to return for today's class materials...as I had forgotten them on my bed...but what are sixty-three extra steps....hehe. I chuckled at the humor of it all once again.

Got to my bus stop...just in time to witness a fender-bender. A truck hit a car. The lady was pissed....and I'm not exaggerating. She was so angry. The guy was just trying to get to work...not happy...but not outlandishly angry like the lady...yikes. Anyways...so I see my bus, and not really knowing what to do....I leap out into the middle of the street and flail my arm like crazy. Bus pulls over. I get to school.

The day thereafter commenced like normal. All was well. It just amazed me, as I was sitting there with the sun beaming in on my freckled cheeks....man! I love this. From being lost...to missing out on the whole purpose of my day's journey...to forgetting my daily school needs....yeah. It's still somehow perfect. It's crazy. I laughed all the way to school....and turned on Whitney's dance sensation again.....what a day. Wish you could've been there.

Jobs!

2007-08-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

So today was one of the best days of my life in Mexico thus far. I had had an offer for a job, but couldn't accept until I was able to physically set foot on the campus to know about the situation and feel that peace....I boarded a bus this morning to take me to Chapala (it's about an hour tip on bus....only 30-40 minutes in car). I got to the station, where the English department director and her husband picked me up.

It was fantastical to walk through the streets and see this amazing little village. It's everything I want in living here. The school is phenomenal. It's under the finishing touches of construction before classes begin next Monday. I'll be teaching 5/6 grades. Instituta Terranova is its name. The school is Christian, bilingual, and private. A nice combination of traits. I'll have the younger group in hte mornings...and then they'll go to their Spanish instructor. We'll partner with both grades in this manner to teach our students in a truly bilingual atmosphere.

The joy and excitement I have can barely be contained. I'm so ready to dive into my teachers' book and just go- tomorrow. I can't, though, as I have to finish up my cert course...I'll actually miss the first week of classes becasue of this ....and for that, the English director (same woman that picked me up) is going to take my class for that week...and then I'll step in. I'm so ready...so excited. It's breathtaking...truly.

SOOOOO....I'm off....it's exciting.

The man on the bike.

2007-08-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

Once again seated on the roof terrace. I was startled by this strange honking/beeping sort of noise....I peered over the ledge of the plastic-covered ledge to see a little old man riding a bike down the middle of the street. He was vending his wares: I would guess ice cream or juice.

Hmmm....what of note happened today. Not much. I went to school really early. Got my paper done for tomorrow. Attended classes. We laugh at our inability to process English and Spanish at the rarest moments. :) As well, I taught after school at IMAC. It went really well. I taught about using might with a caution phrase before. So something like: DON'T STAND THERE! You might get run over by the bus.

I chose to put hand-made flashcards on the floor that had pictures of potential pitfalls (a bus with people running in front, a HOT! sign with a burned hand, a baby floating face-down in a pool, a man falling down stairs, etc)....with the key caution phrases on other hand-made flashcards. They said: WATCH OUT! CAUTION! CAREFUL! DON'T! OH NO! So the idea was for the students to work with their partner on creating short dialogues with these prompts. My ever so precious Enrique formed a conversation with Mary: "Watch out! Don't run (rooooon). The (dee) bus crash hit!" It was so much fun. They had a great time making up stories about "What he might do...." I gave them pictures of random men I had retrieved from the internet. They had to give the man a name. Tell where he MIGHT go...what he MIGHT do there...what time he MIGHT leave...and when he MIGHT return.

Nestor and his partner named their man Sylvester Stalone. He was going to model. He would leave at two days. And he would return in two years. He might sing while he was there. :)

Yeah. School was good.

Afterwards, I hung out with a teacher that teaches at the same school. He's from Guadalajara...and we talked a lot about teaching and the sort. Afterwards, rode the bus home...the ever-eventful bus. I saw, for the first time, the bus driver get extremely angry....I'm not sure who the men were, but two men boarded the bus (not uniformed or anything) and demanded to see all of our tickets. I assume they are some kind of officials....anyways...they were taking their sweet time to board and the bus driver was cussing at them and pounding his fist on the steering wheel. Ah, the amazingly-exciting bus route! :)

Tomorrow, I'm actually off after 315...so I'll be meeting a Luis' (my boss from Texas) brother to hang out around the city. It should be fun since I've not gotten to really look around yet. He's a native so I'll get some good touring time. :) Off to finish my paper for Friday now, though...have a great night!

From the rooftop...

2007-08-06T18:41:00.000-07:00

Looking out to my right is a mountain...beneath it are buildings of all colors, most distinctly: yellow, turquoise, brown, and beige. The lights in the windows of the houses and buildings create a frame for the towering structure they embellish. The brick-covered street huddles under the children running ...the cars rumbling past....but none seem to disrupt the utter peacefulness of the rooftop sanctuary. Somewhere off in the distance is a precious little park....and to the other side is the entire commercial market of Guadalajara...it's amazing to behold. I saw, specifically, this morning from the bus windows, the Soy milk production place (leche de soya)...as well, the cereal manufacturers...along with their huge bundles of grain. As well, I saw the auto location for the buses in need of repare. I was dazzled by the hustle and bustle of the workers in the early morning....moving their carts to and fro....crossing the street with their loads....avoiding the wrecklessness of the bus drivers that carried business-men and women, children, and other individuals to their places of drop-off (bajar).

I can't tell you with words how I felt on the bus this afternoon....I boarded, only to stand amongst many others who were leaving from their workplaces and summer school locations. I stood in front of a man, next to a young woman with a particularly cute baby girl, beside an elderly gentleman who played with a kindergartner in front of me. I listened as a mother scolded (reganar) her daughter...no quieres saber lo que va a pasar cuando nos bajamos...she warned (you don't want to know what's going to happen when we get off this bus!). She stuck her lip out, and took off her backpack to put away her book...obviously those had been her instructions BEFORE boarding the bus (camion). She had just begun when the bus driver pulled away from the previously red light...the girl fell backwards. My arms caught her. I rested her against my body until she finished placing the book in her pack. Her mother smiled, thanked me....and told me she'd let me know when it was time to get off, as they were traveling to the same street that I was. It was nothing....but this culture, this people, this place...it's so precious to me. Every part of it. It was a typical afternoon....but standing there, with both arms raised, holding on for dear life to the silver rail...made my day.

Yeah....made my day. I took down my laundry this evening when i arrived home. It smells fresh....just like fabric softener....hopefully next time, I'll get to hang my clothes outside in the sun to dry. Last night wasn't a good opportunity for that because of the threat of rain...but next time...the smell is enrapturing. Sort of like this little terrace. All I need is a serenata (serrenade) from a mariachi or four. :)

Movin´around....

2007-08-06T13:47:00.000-07:00

So I´ve moved...I´m now living in this amazing house with a terrace right outside my door....it´s fantastic. The house belongs to my boyfriend´s sister´s friend´s mother in law....I just go with cousin when trying to explain it to people since it´s got such a long prefix. :) And the best part of all: living there for free. Yeah. Amazing, no?

Anyways...this blog thing is sort of sporadic in that I can´t find much time to be on the internet for pleasure. I´m here to do some research every now and again, but mostly I´m doing work related stuff, teaching, and in class. But I´ll try. :)

I went to San Luis Potosi this weekend to visit my boyfriend and his family. We went to the fair (feria) and hung out all around his hometown. I love that place. It´s so peaceful..and life with his family is non-stop hilarious. His parents are precious. They´re so kind and possess so much joy...beyond words really. The hospitality of this culture amazes me every minute.

The bus ride was fairly short (especially in comparison to the ones I took from Texas!), about 4.5 hours...and the buses were nicer than planes...for real! There were movies, huge seats with lots of leg room...a great way to travel if you´re thinking of visiting Mexico.

Other than that, it was nice to just go and relax for a few days.

As for jobs, I´ve got a few more interviews in progress. There are several schools that I´m looking at; the trouble is deciding exactly which one to choose. I´ll know more this week about which job I´m going to accept. There are lots of choices here.

Anyways...nothing great and exciting to report as of today...but there will be more news later, I´m sure. Hope your week is going well thus far.

Night Life...

2007-07-31T20:50:00.001-07:00

Night life for me: sitting on the porch in the cool night....eating gelatina....searching cities in which I'd like to work. I already know where I want to be, but for the sake of the thing, we've got to list 5....so I'm checking out some Mexico geography. Really, I should be in bed. Yeah, I'm going....going....dejame terminar mi gelatina (let me finish my gelatina)....hasta manana. :)

Ya llegue.

2007-07-31T17:38:00.000-07:00

That means "I arrived." This place is amazing- truly. It's more than I dreamed. I sit here, gazing out past the stained black bars that block off our balcony from the cobblestone floor beaneath. I can't yet smell the lemons that are ripened on the trees in front of me. Soon, I suppose....soon. The cool air blows across my sweater-protected body....I am reminded of the bustling city that lies so near....I'm in the middle of Guadalajara....but somehow not. I walk down a small street to arrive at one of the major streets, where I wait for a bus to pick me up and take me to school each morning.

I'd estimate that it takes 30 minutes to complete the process...I am in class from 9-1 and 2-6....my moments of waiting are over. I'll soon be teaching English as a foreign language in a country other than my own. The beauty of living your dream, eh?

Thus far I've experienced many familiar and new things. Can I just tell you how grateful I am to Luis for warning me about the drivers here? He forgot to mention that I'd need to purchase insurance for my neck treatments at the end of my bus-riding experience. I'm pretty sure the drivers forget that they have people on board rather than "vacas" (cows). It's beautiful to stand next to 80 other people trying to get across the city...be the only "gringa" and